A few weeks ago, a few of my friends and myself graduated from college. After many sleepless nights of studying, writing papers and procrastination, I walked the stage and made my mommy proud! Immediately after graduation I started looking for work, but apparently that wasn't all I needed to find.
Since most of my family is in Honduras, they all called me to congratulate me on this milestone and advice me on what the real world holds for me. Over 90% of the conversations I had with my aunts and uncles came down to one thing, "Now that you are done with school is time to find yourself a good husband and have some children."
My first thought was, who said I was done with school? Last time I checked, I still have academic goals I wish to accomplish.
However I laughed off these comments and brushed them off, but I quickly realized that this was the expectation. Worried, it was a problem that only affected the Honduran culture (since there is the stereotype that all latinas want to do is get prego and have babies) I called my best friend (Born American, to Ghanaian Parents) and told her about my new found task. To my surprise she was going through the same thing. I couldn't believe it, can we find a job first, get our house, or a car, some life insurance, a apartment?
It seems like the pressure to find a man is not only on women but also on parents. I feel like they are afraid that their daughters wont find a good husband and give them the grandchildren they are feening for. As a woman I am not sure how I feel about this. On one side there is this shortage of "good" black men and on the other hand there is so much pressure to find a man....clearly there is a problem.
I should clarify, that although I am not African American, I love me some chocolate! Since I am a black latina, I get away with dating them easily and dont get the "There Goes another Latina Taking our men" looks. My love and appreciation for black culture has help me become a chameleon as I avoid some of the interracial dating stereotypes that others endure.
I am only left to wonder why am I being rushed to find this alleged good husband, and have my children? Why can't I take my time until I am ready, and/or find someone who is worthy of starting my family with? Why is there so much pressure on women to become wives and mothers? Although women have come a long way, are we still living in the past?
I am interested in your thoughts on the subject. Do men feel pressured to become husbands and fathers? If so how do you deal with this issue?
6 comments:
You'll actually feel like this for a long time. You will also find other women who you befriend over the next couple years who will make you feel like you're pressured also. However, it's essentially your choice whether to get sucked into that or not. I find that many of my peers who got married are already seeking divorce and that's sad considering I'm merely 25. Why would I want to do that to myself?
Since you've graduated, I believe that you should use that education that you just invested in and start your career. The marriage part will fall into place. I tend to think many of my friends who got married were already bored of life. There was no reason to rush at all. There's travel that you might want to try (which you can't with children) and you'll have very limited vacation time from the get go.
There's shows you might want to go to, movies, hang with friends... all that is restrained when you have a child.
I'm not saying don't date, or be with someone seriously but I don't get the marriage rush. Also, you can't even use marriage as a business proposition nowadays anyway because you don't save that much in taxes. :).
Haha, a good thing my dad's priority was different when talking to me. He's trying to convince me to buy a house (*whew* now the part of me being single can be ignored).
It really bothers me that for women that automatically becomes the expectation. And the pressure is on, is like the Race to the Ring and the Stroller. In the long run all it does is make women more dependent in-spite of their hard work and accomplishments.
No matter how many steps we take forward society makes sure we take some back! We need solutions and answers and I dont have them! But I really wish I did! I pray for my future children!
FROM: Monique Williams
A few of my friends who that I have grown up with in high school, are either married with children, or have children. They have even asked me when am I going to start having kids. I give them a dumb look like "for what?" why rush? I enjoy my life, with no children. I agree with Jerlyn, I believe that some people are "bored with life." But I am sure... See more that life is just as enjoyable with a husband/wife and children.
I do not feel that we have come out of the past. Women are more pressured to have children and to settle down. To answer your question, in this day and age marriage is not what it is left due to the endless abilities that women can do. But for some, the expectation is still "okay..I have waited for you to be a college woman, now be a wife and make babies"
FROM: Brianna Westover
So many people look at women that chose to marry and have kids as giving up on life. After so many years of feminists fighting for equal rights and the freedom to chose our own path, some of us simply WANT to chose the path of raising a family. Unfortunately, most people can't wrap their heads around actually wanting that lifestyle instead of being... See more driven to focus on their jobs first.
I'm seeing the exact opposite as Monique. I don't see young women pressured to settle down, I see young women pressured to be money-making career women. Anything less then being focused on your job is looked down on.
Surprisingly, my family has never given me the pressure to settle down, but to pursue my education further. Like Jerlyn, my mom only wants me to buy a family house :D.
In all honesty, people have different drives and motivations. I am sure we have met the girl in college, who only wanted to get married once she graduated. There is nothing wrong with that, but we must be true to ourselves and not follow the ideas of others concerning what our NEXT step should be.
Hey Girly,
Okay, I don't really consider you dating an African-American "interracial" dating. You're black so we're the same race. You're just a different ethnicity. I personally am fine with that. It's no different than a black american dating a black girl from France or Africa or Jamaica. Different culturally but it's the same race. Yall can all still use the same hair products lol :-)
As for the topic at hand, I'm in my early 30s and YES you will get pressure upon pressure until you tie the knot! It's the way our society thinks. Women get the pressure in their early 20s. Men by early 30s start to get it. Hey, our purpose here is to be fruitful and multiply :-) LOL, but for me, there was NO WAY IN THE HEEZIE I was having any babies before 30. Not never! So, with that being said, ENJOY YOUR 20s! They will be gone before you know it. Do you. You have your entire life to be someone's wife and mother. That's my .08 cents!
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