To cook or not to cook? That is the question.

I have said this over and over again, I am the most non-traditional girl with the most traditional girl tendencies. I love my independence but understand the reality behind gender roles (it is what it is, lets get over it). With that being said I have one question, why don’t more females cook? It seems to be that as we embrace the triumphs women have made through out history we have forgotten some of our fundamental responsibilities like cooking. As a Latina (yes I am Spanish), there seems to be this stereotype that we are raised to take care of the men of our families and become wives and mothers (this is true for most of us). If many cases we become mothers before we ever become wives, and chances are the wives part rarely happens. However, Latina women are also known for spoiling their husbands and children when it comes to food. Personally I have cannot even remember when I started cooking. Always found a reason to be in the kitchen helping my aunts (except when it came to washing dishes, I hate washing dishes). In any case I learned to enjoy and love cooking and naturally became really good at it (those that have tasted my cooking always ask for more, I have my references).

When I began dating, I quickly realized I wasn’t into Spanish guys. I don’t know why, or what it was about them, but I just wasn’t feeling them like that. In no time I realized that indeed I was a ni**a lover. As I dated these African American men they constantly complemented me on my cooking abilities and asked me why more girls didn't cook? Ofcouse this was new to me, after all in my household girls cooking was the norm so I couldn't understand why there were females out there that simply did not do it. A particular individual sat me down and told me that, most foreign girls cook, but most African American girls did not want to come nowhere near the kitchen. Again, another big surprise, because the majority of my African American friends knew how to cook, and although it was not their idea of a relaxing time, they did not refuse to do it.

So I started asking my female friends and acquaintances what was their deal with the cocina? I refused to believe it was a racial issue so I asked women without caring for their racial background. I found two main reasons.

2 Main Theories why women do not cook.

1. Independence Theory: Some women feel that they are too independent to have to cook. Women have come so far in society, and being bound to the kitchen is retroactive do the progress at hand.

I have a major issue with this theory because I feel that independence is often used as a scapegoat to justify not taking care of home. So you can’t cook because you are independent but you want Tyrone to hold the doors for you and pick up they check. Then we wonder why there is a lack of chivalry...I have no problem with independence, as a matter a fact I embrace it. I am all about having my own and holding my own weight, but I do not think traditional tasks like cooking take away from my independence. Understand that we are women, as result we will at some point become wives and mothers to a family. As future matriarchs we are expected to be take care of our homes and handle business, cooking is definitely one of them, after all what is your independent a** eating anyways?

2. I Don't know how to cook Theory: Some women simple were never learned how to move around in the kitchen. As a result they are using this excuse to justify why they are ordering take-out on a daily basis or crashing their homegirls house because she always got that good food.

I can't believe women are still using this as an excuse to not cook. I can name at-least 100 things that you LEARNED how to do. Why isn't cooking one of them? I always wondered what are these women eating? So when you finally have your kids what are you going to do? Are you going to be in McDonalds having breakfast, lunch and dinner contributing to the high obesity rate? With all the technology and cooking shows on tv it is unacceptable to say you do not know how to do anything. Next time after your fav sitcom is over, I suggest you tune in to the cooking channel. #YouAreWelcome

Cooking for a man shouldn’t be an special act that only occurs on birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions. You would be surprised, how cooking amongst other things will help you get what you want (#amjustsaying). I am not saying that you should be cooking for everyone all willinillie but if you do there is nothing wrong for that. However, if you meet someone and that person is worthy of your pumpum, which means they can potentially father your children (just think about it) why aren’t they worthy of your cooking? If this person takes care of you, and is there for you, why are you being selfish and not taking care of your business in the kitchen #youfancyhuh? I encourage to bring him into the kitchen, and have him “help” even if it just to taste it. Ladies cut this out, and for those of you saying, “He better know how to cook then,” how can you ask for something you cannot provide?

Am I alone on this one? Fellas is cooking important to you? Ladies, what are your thoughts? Is cooking correlated with racial background? Share a line and leave your comments.

Do you F@%$ at the first tweet: Is Twitter the New form of Foreplay?

I am a very digital girl, text, bbm, twitter, fb, aim, you name it. I love to keep my friends a click away and my phone attached to the hip. Specially now that I moved to Honduras I like to stay in touch and feel like I never left. Today I was chatting up a storm with one of my followers @IAMKILLFACE and he stated ¨The followbback is the modern day version of the "you do me and I'll do you" conversation.¨ Prior to this tweet I was unaware of such notion but after reading it I realized that there might be some truth to it.

It seems like the art of phone calls is slowly going extinct and now getting a text, bbm, or @mention is the best you can get. As an active Twitter user I have been a victim of the ¨let me holla at you¨ via twitter. These conversations don't usually start that way, often it all begins with the follow button. I am never quite sure how this all goes down, how do we make the critical decision to press the follow button and enter someone´s world, read their every thought, and follow their every move. Personally I decide to follow someone if they continuously pop up in my timeline, if I see their bio and is interesting, or if I check out the avi and is a #pantydroppa. I get alot of requests, and usually I check out their tweets, and avi to make a decision.

Once I press the follow button is over, LOL. I like to interact with my followers and at some point they have something sexual to say (this is mainly due to the nature of my tweets, so I am not surprised). Most of them have expressed their interest in #smaging me (smashing and banging) but ofcouse this doesn't go outside of twitter. If I find my followers interesting enough, or resourceful I give them my pin and we move things to bbm. I can't help but wonder, do my male followers think pressing the follow back button is an invitation to my pumpum? If so, what are the implications of the @mentions? or the dms? Back in the day it used to be I dont kiss on the first date, is today becoming I dont have sex at the first tweet?

What are you thoughts, is twitter our generation's form of foreplay?

A Love Letter to the BlackMan.

Since I moved to Honduras and became a teacher, my time has been consumed by my new found responsibilities. I have traded the late nights with the girls, drinking and partying, for late nights at home grading and planning. In the mist of it all I have kept an eye on America via Twitter which keeps me in the loop of the good, the bad and the ugly of the good ole USA. A few weeks ago Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls hit the theaters. I have not read the book or watched the movie to provide a legitimate review, however from the feed back I've seen, it appears that the BlackMan is negatively portrayed, attacked, and stereotyped as the (no good ni**as) we all love to hate.

Many reviews attack Perry's work for contributing to the destruction of the image of the BlackMan. It is no secret that we live in a society, where the BlackMan is depicted as a sociological menace, lacking the ability to prosper and uplift himself and his people. At the same time, there seems to be this notion of dependency between blackmen and blackwomen. Which argues that it is not the blackman that holds the weight or foundation of the family, instead, given the lack of good blackmen, women have taken on this role. I wont address the level of truth of that statement however, I do believe that society has a moral obligation to uplift the blackman. Over 200 years of slavery, segregation, discrimination, and racial destruction hinders the prosperity of the blackman, and yet, he is strong enough to fight through such adversity and make it to another day.

So, to all my Blackmen, this note is for you........

You have risen from the ashes like a phoenix (#NoKanye).

You have built a nation and surpassed all expectations.

Under the bludgeoning of chance, your hard-work, determination and kind heart has persevered. Your beauty is unimaginable, and your love conquers all. You overcome at the face of adversity, and stand strong for your beliefs. Your smile, brightens the gloomiest kind of day. Your passion, is so amazing, leaving me speechless. Your love, loyalty, respect are all unconditional to those who are deserving. You are a son, a brother, a father, and a king. I love you, I appreciate you, and I thank you.

Love,

Yenory

Maybe you are just leading her on.

I have been meaning to write this blog for a while now, but time just hasnt been my friend. It is 4:45am in Honduras and I am up, so here it goes.

It is no secret that actions speak louder than words. Therefore, what you say does not really have much value when your doing the complete opposite. The other day I was speaking to one of my male friends about people and their expectations. He told me that he doesnt understand why girls get so attached. He said "I tell them what I want and what I can offer to them but they always end up trying to change things." I totally understood where he was coming from. If you tell someone what your expectations are and you set your ground rules then there shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. So, I asked him "what are you doing with these girls that leads them onto thinking you want something else?" and ofcourse he said "Nothing. I am just nice to them." At this point, I couldnt help but wonder what "nice" meant. After all, a lot of guys are nice to me and I am not falling head over heels for them.

Male Definition of "Nice": Talk to them on the regular (constant texts, or other forms of communication), constantly taking her out and picking up the check, long talks aka phone boning or boo loving, planning trips together etc.

When I first heard this explanation I immediately realized the problem. We clearly have a problem of miscommunication. Let me break it down for you. The relationship you have with someone is not defined with what you say, it is defined by what you do (unless you are his side piece, in that case is over for you. He is not leaving his wife, gf, main chick for you, give it up). Now, what I am going to say applied to both men and women because we are human beings and some things are beyond our control, but I will talk about the ladies, it is what I am, and what I know.

First, "Talking on the regular". If you talk to someone everyday, all day, inevitably the person will develop some type of expectation. Time is money, and if you investing your time in someone, they will eventually think that you are interested in them. This one is a lil harmless if is done in moderation, but when you do it excessively, I cant blame the girls for thinking you might want more (I am not defining what more is, it can be a relationship or sex, your pick).

Second, "Constantly taking her out and picking up the check". I understand if you are a gentleman and your momma taught you to always pay for the ladies, but to avoid misunderstandings you shouldn't be picking up the check every time you taking your friend out. At some point she should be picking up the check or getting separate bills. If you continue to pick up the check she has the right to think you may want something more. We all know, nothing in life is Free.

Third, "Long talks on the phone, or boo loving". Maybe you have alot to say, and enjoying having someone on the other end listening to your every word. Maybe you like to engage in friendly debates with the opposite gender. But if you are doing this between the hours of 11pm and 5am this is considered boo loving or phone boning (hey I didnt make the rules, I am just telling you about them). Again time is money and sleep is of the essence. If you are sacrificing your sleep to spend time with your lady friend, just to hear her vent about her day, she has the right to think you might want more.

Fourth, "Planning trips together". Unless you both decided to go away to a place where you can both WIN with different people, a girl has the right to think you want more. Specially if you are already getting the pum. Why the extra mile if you just want to be friends? Even if you say, you want nothing more than someone to keep your man downstairs company, why are you going out your way? This are the type of questions the ladies ask themselves, and they come to the conclusion that you want more.

Now ladies, just because you think he wants more it doesnt mean he wants the same thing you want. However, I can see the confusion and how you can both misunderstand and be misunderstood. Ladies also remember that you cannot change men. They wont do anything until they are ready, so even if he wants more, it has to happen on his time, not yours. Fellas I know you think shorty is clingy but maybe you are just leading her on. I am not telling you to be a jerk, but you might want to revise your definition of "nice" #amjustsaying.

Ladies do you agree or am I making this up? Fellas what do you have to say on your defense?

Is Marriage all that is left after college graduations for women?

A few weeks ago, a few of my friends and myself graduated from college. After many sleepless nights of studying, writing papers and procrastination, I walked the stage and made my mommy proud! Immediately after graduation I started looking for work, but apparently that wasn't all I needed to find.

Since most of my family is in Honduras, they all called me to congratulate me on this milestone and advice me on what the real world holds for me. Over 90% of the conversations I had with my aunts and uncles came down to one thing, "Now that you are done with school is time to find yourself a good husband and have some children."

My first thought was, who said I was done with school? Last time I checked, I still have academic goals I wish to accomplish.

However I laughed off these comments and brushed them off, but I quickly realized that this was the expectation. Worried, it was a problem that only affected the Honduran culture (since there is the stereotype that all latinas want to do is get prego and have babies) I called my best friend (Born American, to Ghanaian Parents) and told her about my new found task. To my surprise she was going through the same thing. I couldn't believe it, can we find a job first, get our house, or a car, some life insurance, a apartment?

It seems like the pressure to find a man is not only on women but also on parents. I feel like they are afraid that their daughters wont find a good husband and give them the grandchildren they are feening for. As a woman I am not sure how I feel about this. On one side there is this shortage of "good" black men and on the other hand there is so much pressure to find a man....clearly there is a problem.

I should clarify, that although I am not African American, I love me some chocolate! Since I am a black latina, I get away with dating them easily and dont get the "There Goes another Latina Taking our men" looks. My love and appreciation for black culture has help me become a chameleon as I avoid some of the interracial dating stereotypes that others endure.

I am only left to wonder why am I being rushed to find this alleged good husband, and have my children? Why can't I take my time until I am ready, and/or find someone who is worthy of starting my family with? Why is there so much pressure on women to become wives and mothers? Although women have come a long way, are we still living in the past?

I am interested in your thoughts on the subject. Do men feel pressured to become husbands and fathers? If so how do you deal with this issue?