The Curse of "The Single Friend"

Sorry for taking so long to update the blog lovies, but I have been busy taking over the world.  A couple of updates: I have been studying to take the LSAT (Dec. 3^rd), planning to attend law school sooner rather than later. The rest of my life is going awesome! I am starting a new job and am in love with the most amazing male friend ever! I am super blessed!

Now let’s get down to business…

As a new member of the relationship club, I realized I can no longer have single friends. Actually let me rephrase that, I have to re-evaluate the dynamics of my relationship with my single friends. Let me clarify some things before I go on. I have been “The Single Friend (TSF)” and while I respect my friends and their relationships I felt somewhat left out when they got a boo. Was I jealous? Maybe. Is it kind of hard to be 100% happy for someone when your personal life is in shambles #iamjustsaying. But I stood by them, I listened when they needed to vent and took them out when they needed to clear their mind. Might have even gave the wrong advice a couple times (actually am sure I gave the wrong advice a lot of times lol). But I meant no harmJ. However, it wasn’t my place to cater to their needs during those rough times, mainly because I was single. I did not understand what they were going through. Yes, I have been in relationships before, but I was looking at life a lot differently when I was single. So here are my top 3 things you might have to reconsider.

#3 - You are not single

You are not single, so you do not need to be out and about with your single friends acting like you don’t have a significant other. Yes you can look, but if you are in a relationship, you should only have eyes for your boo, right? Lol for the sake of argument let’s just say yes. You shouldn’t be clubbing every weekend either. Maybe you really love to dance, and have a great time with your friends, but do you have to be on every photo gallery at the 7days7nights website?  Especially if you a guy, I know yall go to clubs to look for women, so once you have a GF you have NO business going clubbing without her.

#2– Be Discrete

You can’t tell TSF all your business. You shouldn’t be doing this anyways, but especially not with your single friend. Your relationship should not be everyone’s business. Last time I checked relationships are only between 2 people not 2 people and their friends and family. Needless to say, if you care about someone, you will respect their business and privacy. Then you wonder why TSF is fcking your boo? Its your fault! Should have kept your mouth shut.

#1-They Single

This might be obvious to most, but not to all. If you are sick would you go to a mechanic to find out what’s wrong? Not unless you a car. Single people can and will only give you single people advice, why? Because they are single. They don’t have the same priorities you have. When you having relationship problems, you should go to the person you are in a relationship with. Now if you need to vent, you may go to TSF but chances are they don’t really give a f***. They will listen but I wouldn’t take their advice and follow suit.

I know most people like to live vicariously through their single friends. The key word is vicariously. Especially married people. There is nothing cute about you acting like you single when someone put a ring on it! You signed the contract now adhere to the rules.

I am sure you all have a few more things to add to this list! Share your thoughts and comments! 

Do you F@%$ at the first tweet: Is Twitter the New form of Foreplay?

I am a very digital girl, text, bbm, twitter, fb, aim, you name it. I love to keep my friends a click away and my phone attached to the hip. Specially now that I moved to Honduras I like to stay in touch and feel like I never left. Today I was chatting up a storm with one of my followers @IAMKILLFACE and he stated ¨The followbback is the modern day version of the "you do me and I'll do you" conversation.¨ Prior to this tweet I was unaware of such notion but after reading it I realized that there might be some truth to it.

It seems like the art of phone calls is slowly going extinct and now getting a text, bbm, or @mention is the best you can get. As an active Twitter user I have been a victim of the ¨let me holla at you¨ via twitter. These conversations don't usually start that way, often it all begins with the follow button. I am never quite sure how this all goes down, how do we make the critical decision to press the follow button and enter someone´s world, read their every thought, and follow their every move. Personally I decide to follow someone if they continuously pop up in my timeline, if I see their bio and is interesting, or if I check out the avi and is a #pantydroppa. I get alot of requests, and usually I check out their tweets, and avi to make a decision.

Once I press the follow button is over, LOL. I like to interact with my followers and at some point they have something sexual to say (this is mainly due to the nature of my tweets, so I am not surprised). Most of them have expressed their interest in #smaging me (smashing and banging) but ofcouse this doesn't go outside of twitter. If I find my followers interesting enough, or resourceful I give them my pin and we move things to bbm. I can't help but wonder, do my male followers think pressing the follow back button is an invitation to my pumpum? If so, what are the implications of the @mentions? or the dms? Back in the day it used to be I dont kiss on the first date, is today becoming I dont have sex at the first tweet?

What are you thoughts, is twitter our generation's form of foreplay?

Maybe you are just leading her on.

I have been meaning to write this blog for a while now, but time just hasnt been my friend. It is 4:45am in Honduras and I am up, so here it goes.

It is no secret that actions speak louder than words. Therefore, what you say does not really have much value when your doing the complete opposite. The other day I was speaking to one of my male friends about people and their expectations. He told me that he doesnt understand why girls get so attached. He said "I tell them what I want and what I can offer to them but they always end up trying to change things." I totally understood where he was coming from. If you tell someone what your expectations are and you set your ground rules then there shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. So, I asked him "what are you doing with these girls that leads them onto thinking you want something else?" and ofcourse he said "Nothing. I am just nice to them." At this point, I couldnt help but wonder what "nice" meant. After all, a lot of guys are nice to me and I am not falling head over heels for them.

Male Definition of "Nice": Talk to them on the regular (constant texts, or other forms of communication), constantly taking her out and picking up the check, long talks aka phone boning or boo loving, planning trips together etc.

When I first heard this explanation I immediately realized the problem. We clearly have a problem of miscommunication. Let me break it down for you. The relationship you have with someone is not defined with what you say, it is defined by what you do (unless you are his side piece, in that case is over for you. He is not leaving his wife, gf, main chick for you, give it up). Now, what I am going to say applied to both men and women because we are human beings and some things are beyond our control, but I will talk about the ladies, it is what I am, and what I know.

First, "Talking on the regular". If you talk to someone everyday, all day, inevitably the person will develop some type of expectation. Time is money, and if you investing your time in someone, they will eventually think that you are interested in them. This one is a lil harmless if is done in moderation, but when you do it excessively, I cant blame the girls for thinking you might want more (I am not defining what more is, it can be a relationship or sex, your pick).

Second, "Constantly taking her out and picking up the check". I understand if you are a gentleman and your momma taught you to always pay for the ladies, but to avoid misunderstandings you shouldn't be picking up the check every time you taking your friend out. At some point she should be picking up the check or getting separate bills. If you continue to pick up the check she has the right to think you may want something more. We all know, nothing in life is Free.

Third, "Long talks on the phone, or boo loving". Maybe you have alot to say, and enjoying having someone on the other end listening to your every word. Maybe you like to engage in friendly debates with the opposite gender. But if you are doing this between the hours of 11pm and 5am this is considered boo loving or phone boning (hey I didnt make the rules, I am just telling you about them). Again time is money and sleep is of the essence. If you are sacrificing your sleep to spend time with your lady friend, just to hear her vent about her day, she has the right to think you might want more.

Fourth, "Planning trips together". Unless you both decided to go away to a place where you can both WIN with different people, a girl has the right to think you want more. Specially if you are already getting the pum. Why the extra mile if you just want to be friends? Even if you say, you want nothing more than someone to keep your man downstairs company, why are you going out your way? This are the type of questions the ladies ask themselves, and they come to the conclusion that you want more.

Now ladies, just because you think he wants more it doesnt mean he wants the same thing you want. However, I can see the confusion and how you can both misunderstand and be misunderstood. Ladies also remember that you cannot change men. They wont do anything until they are ready, so even if he wants more, it has to happen on his time, not yours. Fellas I know you think shorty is clingy but maybe you are just leading her on. I am not telling you to be a jerk, but you might want to revise your definition of "nice" #amjustsaying.

Ladies do you agree or am I making this up? Fellas what do you have to say on your defense?

Is Marriage all that is left after college graduations for women?

A few weeks ago, a few of my friends and myself graduated from college. After many sleepless nights of studying, writing papers and procrastination, I walked the stage and made my mommy proud! Immediately after graduation I started looking for work, but apparently that wasn't all I needed to find.

Since most of my family is in Honduras, they all called me to congratulate me on this milestone and advice me on what the real world holds for me. Over 90% of the conversations I had with my aunts and uncles came down to one thing, "Now that you are done with school is time to find yourself a good husband and have some children."

My first thought was, who said I was done with school? Last time I checked, I still have academic goals I wish to accomplish.

However I laughed off these comments and brushed them off, but I quickly realized that this was the expectation. Worried, it was a problem that only affected the Honduran culture (since there is the stereotype that all latinas want to do is get prego and have babies) I called my best friend (Born American, to Ghanaian Parents) and told her about my new found task. To my surprise she was going through the same thing. I couldn't believe it, can we find a job first, get our house, or a car, some life insurance, a apartment?

It seems like the pressure to find a man is not only on women but also on parents. I feel like they are afraid that their daughters wont find a good husband and give them the grandchildren they are feening for. As a woman I am not sure how I feel about this. On one side there is this shortage of "good" black men and on the other hand there is so much pressure to find a man....clearly there is a problem.

I should clarify, that although I am not African American, I love me some chocolate! Since I am a black latina, I get away with dating them easily and dont get the "There Goes another Latina Taking our men" looks. My love and appreciation for black culture has help me become a chameleon as I avoid some of the interracial dating stereotypes that others endure.

I am only left to wonder why am I being rushed to find this alleged good husband, and have my children? Why can't I take my time until I am ready, and/or find someone who is worthy of starting my family with? Why is there so much pressure on women to become wives and mothers? Although women have come a long way, are we still living in the past?

I am interested in your thoughts on the subject. Do men feel pressured to become husbands and fathers? If so how do you deal with this issue?