Sorry for taking so long to update the blog lovies, but I have been busy taking over the world. A couple of updates: I have been studying to take the LSAT (Dec. 3rd), planning to attend law school sooner rather than later. The rest of my life is going awesome! I am starting a new job and am in love with the most amazing male friend ever! I am super blessed!
Now let’s get down to business…
As a new member of the relationship club, I realized I can no longer have single friends. Actually let me rephrase that, I have to re-evaluate the dynamics of my relationship with my single friends. Let me clarify some things before I go on. I have been “The Single Friend (TSF)” and while I respect my friends and their relationships I felt somewhat left out when they got a boo. Was I jealous? Maybe. Is it kind of hard to be 100% happy for someone when your personal life is in shambles #iamjustsaying. But I stood by them, I listened when they needed to vent and took them out when they needed to clear their mind. Might have even gave the wrong advice a couple times (actually am sure I gave the wrong advice a lot of times lol). But I meant no harmJ. However, it wasn’t my place to cater to their needs during those rough times, mainly because I was single. I did not understand what they were going through. Yes, I have been in relationships before, but I was looking at life a lot differently when I was single. So here are my top 3 things you might have to reconsider.
#3 - You are not single
You are not single, so you do not need to be out and about with your single friends acting like you don’t have a significant other. Yes you can look, but if you are in a relationship, you should only have eyes for your boo, right? Lol for the sake of argument let’s just say yes. You shouldn’t be clubbing every weekend either. Maybe you really love to dance, and have a great time with your friends, but do you have to be on every photo gallery at the 7days7nights website? Especially if you a guy, I know yall go to clubs to look for women, so once you have a GF you have NO business going clubbing without her.
#2– Be Discrete
You can’t tell TSF all your business. You shouldn’t be doing this anyways, but especially not with your single friend. Your relationship should not be everyone’s business. Last time I checked relationships are only between 2 people not 2 people and their friends and family. Needless to say, if you care about someone, you will respect their business and privacy. Then you wonder why TSF is fcking your boo? Its your fault! Should have kept your mouth shut.
#1-They Single
This might be obvious to most, but not to all. If you are sick would you go to a mechanic to find out what’s wrong? Not unless you a car. Single people can and will only give you single people advice, why? Because they are single. They don’t have the same priorities you have. When you having relationship problems, you should go to the person you are in a relationship with. Now if you need to vent, you may go to TSF but chances are they don’t really give a f***. They will listen but I wouldn’t take their advice and follow suit.
I know most people like to live vicariously through their single friends. The key word is vicariously. Especially married people. There is nothing cute about you acting like you single when someone put a ring on it! You signed the contract now adhere to the rules.
I am sure you all have a few more things to add to this list! Share your thoughts and comments!
6 comments:
As a single woman, I believe in all of this stuff. Go figure, I have had the opposite occur to me. Folkd getting married and trying to convince me that I want to get married too. I rarely complain about my relationship or lack there b/c quite frankly I don't want an opinion. At the end of the day whether your friends be single or in a relationship it is all about balance. If you have balance you will survive anything.
congratulations!!!! I'm so proud of your new perspective and happily induct you into the boo'd up club..LOLOL ;-)
What I hate about being single, which is why I don't go out much, and if I do go it is probably to somewhere low key like a bar. But anyway, the one thing that bothers me is that when I do decide to go out, I get hit on my men who are boo'd up and think its okay to try an hit on my because I am single. Then even if I lie and say that I am boo'd up, I get the "we can be friends" line (rolling eyes). Give me a break.
I do respect my friends that are in relationships and don't mind if they want to talk/vent. I am their friend.
I am just waiting for my best friend to fall in love with. Later Soror.
I definitely agree with Divine Pearlz about balance..
I think its important not to base or start to automatically categorize your friendships by relationship status once you do get into a relationship. Friends are friends. Especially ones that have been there before, during and after various relationships. While the relationship variable changes.. the friendship is constant. For instance I know my lovely sisters (you may know them lol) will always give sound advice to the best of their ability. At the end of the day advice is also just that.. advice. So it's important to balance and gauge other perspectives with your own.
The kind of people one chooses to hang with are reflective of them as a person so its good to keep that in mind. Birds of a feather flock together and if you have single girls in your circle that can't support a relationship or always go against it chances are they wont be that great of friends in the long-term anyhow!
Oh I forgot to add the whole having your own friendship circles too in a relationship! I think that's super important.. sometimes people lose that and everything becomes "we" and "us" and "our friends." But I think it's really really important to keep separate circles of friends that you can go to when your girl/guy is busy or has that important meeting or is hanging out with his/her friend from college that you have that going for yourself as well.
Ladies thank you very much for your feedback. @Divinepearlz I think the balance is deft key! Not only for relationships but life in general! I also agree with @Joymarie, the good thing about friends is that they are always there for you, and you do need them specially when you are in a relationship. @Modance33 it is sad that men think they can even pull that card. That is exactly what I am referring! People need to know their place. I think a self evaluation needs to be done by both parties to have a clear understanding of what can and cannot be done. @Carrie Thank you love!!
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