Hair Update!! First Year of freedom!

A little over a year ago, I decided to stop relaxing my hair and embraced the natural lifestyle! It has been a crazy journey, full of experiments! In my first year which is also my transiting time, I have really embraced the idea of trial and error. I dont always know what works for my hair, but every day we learn something new about each other.

I have kept my brand of products consistent, Olive Oil really conditions my hair and its organic base helps it grow healthy and strong. I took a break from weaving to enjoy the new found growth and the afro! It is so exciting looking at the progress! I still do my co-washes and since I have relocated to NYC I will be visiting my dominicans! However, since it is summer time and no one wants to sit under the dryer in this weather, I been doing my own hair.

I apply some leave in conditioner and braid it at night, I know you might think it is alot of work but it is not. It takes me 10-15 mins and it is worth it!

Here are some recent photos! Enjoy

Tell me all about your progress!

Is Marriage all that is left after college graduations for women?

A few weeks ago, a few of my friends and myself graduated from college. After many sleepless nights of studying, writing papers and procrastination, I walked the stage and made my mommy proud! Immediately after graduation I started looking for work, but apparently that wasn't all I needed to find.

Since most of my family is in Honduras, they all called me to congratulate me on this milestone and advice me on what the real world holds for me. Over 90% of the conversations I had with my aunts and uncles came down to one thing, "Now that you are done with school is time to find yourself a good husband and have some children."

My first thought was, who said I was done with school? Last time I checked, I still have academic goals I wish to accomplish.

However I laughed off these comments and brushed them off, but I quickly realized that this was the expectation. Worried, it was a problem that only affected the Honduran culture (since there is the stereotype that all latinas want to do is get prego and have babies) I called my best friend (Born American, to Ghanaian Parents) and told her about my new found task. To my surprise she was going through the same thing. I couldn't believe it, can we find a job first, get our house, or a car, some life insurance, a apartment?

It seems like the pressure to find a man is not only on women but also on parents. I feel like they are afraid that their daughters wont find a good husband and give them the grandchildren they are feening for. As a woman I am not sure how I feel about this. On one side there is this shortage of "good" black men and on the other hand there is so much pressure to find a man....clearly there is a problem.

I should clarify, that although I am not African American, I love me some chocolate! Since I am a black latina, I get away with dating them easily and dont get the "There Goes another Latina Taking our men" looks. My love and appreciation for black culture has help me become a chameleon as I avoid some of the interracial dating stereotypes that others endure.

I am only left to wonder why am I being rushed to find this alleged good husband, and have my children? Why can't I take my time until I am ready, and/or find someone who is worthy of starting my family with? Why is there so much pressure on women to become wives and mothers? Although women have come a long way, are we still living in the past?

I am interested in your thoughts on the subject. Do men feel pressured to become husbands and fathers? If so how do you deal with this issue?

The Female Orgasm, or the Lack Thereof

Historically unfortunately, women have been labeled as baby making machines, whose only purpose is to please the MAN. This past quarter, I took a Global Sexualities Class in which I learned about the sexual history of women, at least all that can be found in text (I am sure there is more, women are great at keeping secrets). I was frighten by the findings, and every night when I got home I thanked my "vag" for always holding me down! ( I firmly believe in always showing your appreciation!) In any case, as we wrapped up the discussion during the last week of classes, we addressed the role of The Female Orgasm, or the Lack Thereof.

It breaks my heart to hear that there are women in this world who have rarely or have NEVER, experienced an orgasm ( The sh*t really makes me sad). However, in the spirit of being proactive, and because it is our moral obligation to make things right, I have decided to tackle the issue.

First, I blame society! Yes I do! For conditioning women to believe that our only responsability is to please men and be mothers. Do you have any idea how painful it is to give birth? The vagina must expand at least 35 cm which is almost 14 inches, that is 7 times the average size of a normal vagina. Then you have contractions, and the pain of pushing that niglet out! Lets not forget the back problems, during the pregnancy and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the issue. How can you have the nerve to tell me, I cant get pleasure from sex? Just to make matters worst, society decides that the man must have all the fun, and that it is my job, to make sure he is satisfied. Excuse me? He wont cook, wont clean, wont watch the kids, wont even give me a nut, and I am supposed to make sure that after I finish my endless to-do-list I give him the business? I don't think so!

Secondly, I blame ourselves as women. Why are you still waiting on a man to show you what an orgasm is?!? It is 2010, chick get with the program! Explore your body! What are you afraid off? That maybe once you touch yourself, after a glass of wine and a long shower, you might just enjoy it? That in some twisted world you will achieve an unimaginable level of sexual pleasure by your self?? It angers me to hear women say, "I dont know how to do it" or "no one ever taught me" or my favorite of all time "He does not care". These are nothing but a list of EXCUSES!

1. "I dont know how to do it, and I am shy" : Learn! There are many options out there for women to learn about their sexuality! Hell, if you really that lazy, use the internet and google/youtube! We all know they have the answers to everything! If you are shy, GET OVER IT. How can you be shy with your body, but bend over backwards for someone else? That makes no sense.

2. "no one ever taught me": Teach your damn self! How can you expect someone to give you what you want, if you don't even know what you want! Again It doesn't make sense! (please refer to #1)

3. "He does not care": He DOESNT HAVE TO! You do! Your body, your needs, your nut, Get to it! (please re -read #1 and #2).

Note: I would like to state, that I am not against please a man! I believe sex should be selfless, and satisfaction should come from satisfying your counterpart. This is not about you (MEN), this is about the ladies!

Here are some tips (these are things, I have read, some experienced and some I have been told):

1. Masturbate! You would be surprised to see how this simple act will improve your sexual life. Sh*t it improves life in general, productivity hits its peak after a nut followed by a good meal! You can start slow, using your hands, then upgrade to some toys, just explore your sexual personality.

2. Be the Instructor! We all wish, every guy we sleep with knew exactly what to do, and when to do it! But the reality is that they don't! So teach them, after you have mastered the art of giving your self an orgasm it is a lot easier to teach someone else.

3. Stop Being Lazy and Close minded. When you open your mind to change, the possibilities are endless. I am not telling you to go and let someone pee on you (if thats your thing, hey more power to you, call R. Kelly), but don't let tradition dictate your level of satisfaction.

4. Practice! The more you do it, the better you get at it! Simple!

That is all for now folks! Lets all unite to end this madness! If you have any advice or stories please feel free to share!

Hasta La Vista - Baby!

"Lurkers, Stalkers, Creepers, you name it..... Twitter is their playground"

In the summer of 2009 I stopped fighting the "status update" battle and joined the wonderful world of Twitter. Of course I was one of those people who said "Twitter is stupid", "I don't get it, so you just put your business out there?", "That sounds like the perfect place for stalkers".

Despite my strong reservations, I gave in and joined (honestly it was peer pressure, all the cool kids where doing it, lol) Since I joined Twitter I have met some really cool folks, great tool for networking and relationship building. However there is another thing Twitter is great for, and thats STALKING.

Yes folks, in case you did not know, people actually use this social network to stalk each other! I know you are all shocked ( Not Really, I saw it coming) but it is happening everyday. Hence why I am writing this blog. I always hear the horror stories, from Facebook, Aim Statuses (Yea, people still use aim), MySpace (I know, shame on me but I had to add it to the list), and now Twitter! Nothing is sacred anymore!

Stalkers are using all their tools and getting to work! They follow you, and patiently wait until you say something that can be used against you. Don't they know is ONLY Twitter! Relax!

The Stalking game is out of control! Here are some of the type of stalking/lurking categories I have found:

1. The Ex Stalking: This is my fav! You are playing yourself, if you using twitter to find out what your ex is doing! You are going to get your feelings hurt! You are not with him/her, He/She is not into you! Please Move on! That is all!
2. Relationship Stalking: Seriously, if you don't trust the person you are involved with keep it moving and stop wasting your time! Do you really have to create a twitter account to monitor who they talk to? Furthermore, do you have to follow the people they talk to the most and comment? Like C'mon Son! If your significant other wants to be with you, he/she will give you the respect you deserve no matter what!
3. "I want to be with him/her" Stalking: This is a red flag! If you are getting to know someone twitter is not the place to get your information. Why dont you use this time to chill with the person and get to know they really are. Besides, the best way to get to know someone is through time not twitter!

Please share more categories, the horror stories, or funny stories, they all the same!

Hair Update

I know it has been a while but I finally got some time to give you all some updates on my hair growth. If you took time to do the challenge I hope it worked for you, and met all your goals. I have been working on my hair treatment to make sure is healthy and long. The road has been slow but I have seen a lot of progress.

I have posted some pictures of the growth! Please tell me what you think!

Before

After

This marks the end my hair growth challenge, the journey lasted for about 6months. I encourage you all to take care of your hair! Once you learn your hair type and proper texture you will be able to achieve your goals faster!

"You illegal little b*tch": Would the battle between blacks and browns ever end?

A few years back, I got the opportunity to see the play Platanos and Collard Greens, which exposes the ongoing feud between blacks and Latinos in the context of interracial relationships. I must say I never truly experienced this type of racism mainly because at first glance people think I am black. More importantly due to my dark skin complexion I can easily navigate both worlds and be easily accepted. I have dated a lot of African American men (it seems to be my preference) and I often hear phrases like "Oh, I didn't know your girl was Spanish, well at least she is black" or "You are not really in a interracial relationship because you look black." However, interracial relationships is not the only battle field between blacks and Latinos. In this recession Latinos mainly illegal immigrants are being accused of stealing jobs from African Americans, which has led them to be unemployed.

Now, lets keep it real unfortunately the majority of the jobs done by illegal immigrants are not the type of jobs done by African Americans. I am yet to meet an African American who mows grass for $5 p/h or works in agriculture making $5p/h sometimes even less. Often as a result of their illegal status immigrants, which comes from all over the world are forced to take those types jobs in their quest for the Sueño Americano (American Dream). Their intent is not to come to America to deprive others of their rightful jobs, far from it. All these immigrants want to do is save money, take care of their families back "home" and one day go back to give them a better future. Although there are a lot of illegal immigrants in this country, there also an equal amount of legal immigrants whom like myself pay taxes and do things the "right way".

A few days ago, I was ridding the bus on my way to work, and as the bus driver pulled up to the next top everyone ran over to try to get in line to secure a place in the already crowded vehicle. (If you are not from NYC and have no idea what riding the MTA is like, here is a brief description. You pay your fare, get inside and mind your business. If it happens to be rush hours forget about sitting down, and prepare to be bumped, pushed and stepped on by passengers who want to get to their destination because the bus is always crowded.) With that being said the bus driver (who happens to be a Latino) opened the doors and allowed everyone to come inside, suddenly I hear an African Woman yell "You illegal little b*tch, don't you dare challenge me". At this point I looked over to see who she was talking to, and I saw a little girl who couldn't be older than 8 years of age. I was in shock, because the woman was yelling at her and calling her names and cursing every Spanish person on that bus, because the little girl bumped her on her way in. The anger in that woman's voice was indescribable and it really made me think about the "Blacks vs Browns" battles everyone talks about but I had yet to experience. However do we really have to battle each other instead of helping one another?

Please post your thoughts on this issue and any stories you might have! I am extremely interested on what everyone has to say about this topic!

Hair Growth Challenge Half Point!

About a month ago I began my hair growth challenge! I am happy to say, that it has shown promising results! My hair has grown at least 1 inch and is looking healthier and stronger than ever. I am very excited because it has been an interesting journey, I had to learn how not to use heat on my hair and still look fly. Living is really about learning, and often we do not know our options are until we explore new possibilities and try new things!

I still do the regime, but I have changed a few things. For instance, due to lack of time I go to the Dominicans once every week to get my washing set! I co-wash when I have time which, unfortunately is not that often. I still deep condition every weekend which maintains my hair soft and gorgeous! Ladies this really works and as you see the pictures you will find that am telling you the truth! Did I mention its been 7 weeks since my last relaxer! I have 5 more weeks to go till I reach my 12 week goal and I cant wait to see what the final length will be.

If you have any questions please let me know and if you have been doing this challenge post your picture so that we can see your progress!

Thank you and enjoy the pictures!