To cook or not to cook? That is the question.

I have said this over and over again, I am the most non-traditional girl with the most traditional girl tendencies. I love my independence but understand the reality behind gender roles (it is what it is, lets get over it). With that being said I have one question, why don’t more females cook? It seems to be that as we embrace the triumphs women have made through out history we have forgotten some of our fundamental responsibilities like cooking. As a Latina (yes I am Spanish), there seems to be this stereotype that we are raised to take care of the men of our families and become wives and mothers (this is true for most of us). If many cases we become mothers before we ever become wives, and chances are the wives part rarely happens. However, Latina women are also known for spoiling their husbands and children when it comes to food. Personally I have cannot even remember when I started cooking. Always found a reason to be in the kitchen helping my aunts (except when it came to washing dishes, I hate washing dishes). In any case I learned to enjoy and love cooking and naturally became really good at it (those that have tasted my cooking always ask for more, I have my references).

When I began dating, I quickly realized I wasn’t into Spanish guys. I don’t know why, or what it was about them, but I just wasn’t feeling them like that. In no time I realized that indeed I was a ni**a lover. As I dated these African American men they constantly complemented me on my cooking abilities and asked me why more girls didn't cook? Ofcouse this was new to me, after all in my household girls cooking was the norm so I couldn't understand why there were females out there that simply did not do it. A particular individual sat me down and told me that, most foreign girls cook, but most African American girls did not want to come nowhere near the kitchen. Again, another big surprise, because the majority of my African American friends knew how to cook, and although it was not their idea of a relaxing time, they did not refuse to do it.

So I started asking my female friends and acquaintances what was their deal with the cocina? I refused to believe it was a racial issue so I asked women without caring for their racial background. I found two main reasons.

2 Main Theories why women do not cook.

1. Independence Theory: Some women feel that they are too independent to have to cook. Women have come so far in society, and being bound to the kitchen is retroactive do the progress at hand.

I have a major issue with this theory because I feel that independence is often used as a scapegoat to justify not taking care of home. So you can’t cook because you are independent but you want Tyrone to hold the doors for you and pick up they check. Then we wonder why there is a lack of chivalry...I have no problem with independence, as a matter a fact I embrace it. I am all about having my own and holding my own weight, but I do not think traditional tasks like cooking take away from my independence. Understand that we are women, as result we will at some point become wives and mothers to a family. As future matriarchs we are expected to be take care of our homes and handle business, cooking is definitely one of them, after all what is your independent a** eating anyways?

2. I Don't know how to cook Theory: Some women simple were never learned how to move around in the kitchen. As a result they are using this excuse to justify why they are ordering take-out on a daily basis or crashing their homegirls house because she always got that good food.

I can't believe women are still using this as an excuse to not cook. I can name at-least 100 things that you LEARNED how to do. Why isn't cooking one of them? I always wondered what are these women eating? So when you finally have your kids what are you going to do? Are you going to be in McDonalds having breakfast, lunch and dinner contributing to the high obesity rate? With all the technology and cooking shows on tv it is unacceptable to say you do not know how to do anything. Next time after your fav sitcom is over, I suggest you tune in to the cooking channel. #YouAreWelcome

Cooking for a man shouldn’t be an special act that only occurs on birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions. You would be surprised, how cooking amongst other things will help you get what you want (#amjustsaying). I am not saying that you should be cooking for everyone all willinillie but if you do there is nothing wrong for that. However, if you meet someone and that person is worthy of your pumpum, which means they can potentially father your children (just think about it) why aren’t they worthy of your cooking? If this person takes care of you, and is there for you, why are you being selfish and not taking care of your business in the kitchen #youfancyhuh? I encourage to bring him into the kitchen, and have him “help” even if it just to taste it. Ladies cut this out, and for those of you saying, “He better know how to cook then,” how can you ask for something you cannot provide?

Am I alone on this one? Fellas is cooking important to you? Ladies, what are your thoughts? Is cooking correlated with racial background? Share a line and leave your comments.

How to lose 20 pounds and Keep them OFF.

One of the best feelings is realizing you have lost weight and look absolutely fabulous. I remember the day I realized I lost 10+ pounds. I had just gotten out the shower and was getting ready to head out, I looked at my body on the mirror and realized I looked thinner. Then I pulled out my fave pair of skinny jeans (Yall know which one am talking about, the one that you have been saving for when you lost those extra pounds, because you simply could not let go. Yes, that one) and to my surprise it fit a lil big. I did not know what to do with myself, I kept of admiring my body thinking to myself, "Girl, you look great!." After 20 minutes of much needed self love, I decided to get dressed and actually head out. A few days later I got on the scale to see how much weight I lost (I was thinking about 15pounds) and was thrilled to learn I had lost 22pounds.

So, how did I lose those unwanted 22pounds? For starters, I didnt even know I needed to lose 22 pounds or in the words of my bff, that I had 22 pounds to lose. My cousin convinced to start competing in the body fitness category of body building and gave me a few tasks. First, she told to cut some things out my diet. It doesn't matter how much you workout, the faster way to see results is by having a balanced diet.

Here are some of my new do's and don'ts.

• Fruits (I usually have one for breakfast every morning, and as a snack I love green apples and mandarines).
• If you have a specific type of food you simply cannot stop eating, find healthier ways to cook it. (for example, I love sweet plantains, now instead of frying them, I boil them. Is not the same but I am satisfied.)
• Try healthier meals. If you like to eat fish, or seafood try grilling, and steaming. Both methods are healthier and in some cases faster.
• Try not to eat out often. Sometimes when we eat out, we venture into foods we should stay away from, the best thing to do is treat yourself once in a while.
• No rice, no fried foods, no sodas, and little to no juice. (I really keep these things to a minimum, they have a lot of calories and should be eaten in moderation. I do drink juice but water is my first choice.)
• It is important that you eat three times a day and have your snacks in between. Keep your metabolism busy with smaller portions.
• Alcohol (I am a social drinker and some days I feel like I need a drink to unwind. However, I limit myself to a glass of wine or two a week. I stay away from mixed drinks and hard liquor.)
• Run. I did not start running until my last year in college. Once I got to Honduras I found out I was doing it wrong (who would have thought there was a proper way to run? yea me either). I started running on the tracks by my house, and at first I could only handle running one lap and walking the next. Now, I can run 12 laps non-stop on the 8th lane which is roughly about 4 miles. I really try to do this a minimum of 3 times a week, some weeks are better than others but this has been a major part of my weight loss.
• I also have a workout routine, that doesn't require a gym. All I use are a set of 10 pounds weights, some stairs and a chair (let me know if you want me to share it with you.)

These are some of the key elements of my weight loss. The best way to keep the way off is to maintain your routine. Once you change your diet, your body will demand that you eat healthier, and maintain the changes. Do not stop working out, and dieting. Loosing weight and keeping it off, requires that you change your lifestyle. If I can do it, you can do it. Please post comments and suggestions!

Do you F@%$ at the first tweet: Is Twitter the New form of Foreplay?

I am a very digital girl, text, bbm, twitter, fb, aim, you name it. I love to keep my friends a click away and my phone attached to the hip. Specially now that I moved to Honduras I like to stay in touch and feel like I never left. Today I was chatting up a storm with one of my followers @IAMKILLFACE and he stated ¨The followbback is the modern day version of the "you do me and I'll do you" conversation.¨ Prior to this tweet I was unaware of such notion but after reading it I realized that there might be some truth to it.

It seems like the art of phone calls is slowly going extinct and now getting a text, bbm, or @mention is the best you can get. As an active Twitter user I have been a victim of the ¨let me holla at you¨ via twitter. These conversations don't usually start that way, often it all begins with the follow button. I am never quite sure how this all goes down, how do we make the critical decision to press the follow button and enter someone´s world, read their every thought, and follow their every move. Personally I decide to follow someone if they continuously pop up in my timeline, if I see their bio and is interesting, or if I check out the avi and is a #pantydroppa. I get alot of requests, and usually I check out their tweets, and avi to make a decision.

Once I press the follow button is over, LOL. I like to interact with my followers and at some point they have something sexual to say (this is mainly due to the nature of my tweets, so I am not surprised). Most of them have expressed their interest in #smaging me (smashing and banging) but ofcouse this doesn't go outside of twitter. If I find my followers interesting enough, or resourceful I give them my pin and we move things to bbm. I can't help but wonder, do my male followers think pressing the follow back button is an invitation to my pumpum? If so, what are the implications of the @mentions? or the dms? Back in the day it used to be I dont kiss on the first date, is today becoming I dont have sex at the first tweet?

What are you thoughts, is twitter our generation's form of foreplay?

Hair Update!

When I started this blog almost a year and half ago I was going through a transitional period with my hair moving from permed tonatural! I have some progress I would like to share with youall to inspire you to take care of your hair! I started out my Hair Growth Challenge in June 2009. The main purpose of the challenge was to successfully grow my hair back healthy and strong. The summer of 2009 I focused on treating it and establishing my brand of products. When I got back to school in the fall I began weaving it. As a college student I didn't have the time to go to the salon and/or the patience to do it myself. Weaves provided an easy solution to this problem and really helped its growth.

In June 2010 I celebrated my First Year of Freedom. I was very pleased with the progress. In one year I was able to get my length back, as well as volume, health and lots of body. I have to say that it has been a bit challenging because, it does take a lot of work. I usually have to take twice as long to do my hair, and I have to constantly find new things to do with it. I have learned so much from it and am very happy I decided to take this step. Sometimes, I get frustrated when I try something and I end up looking crazy, it is indeed a learning experience. I have learned what works and what I should stay away from. Luckily for me, I am not alone in this natural hair journey and there is a lot of help available to lead me in the right direction.

Since I moved to Honduras, I have tried braiding and weaving. Not only do I lack the time to do my hair, but it is also hard to maintain it in this weather. I go running at-least three times a week and by the time I am done working out, I need to do it all over again. However, I have taken some time to simply enjoy my hair. Sometimes I do not want to go through the 3 hours of getting it done, but I do it because the end result is rewarding.

Here are some pictures of my baby, it is looking so good! I am definitely proud and happy! I encourage you all to take care of your hair and if you have any tips please post them! I would love to know how you take care of your natural hair and what are some of the issues you come across.

Love always!

Ms. Dulce de Leche

I just wanna be loved.

Since I started my new life in Honduras, I have done a great job at staying busy and not getting too *America"Home"Sick*. However, some days like this, I desperately miss my friends and maybe something else. I am blessed to have a job, be with my family and go through this wonderful experience. Yet, sometimes I wished I had some of the people I love and really enjoy with me. I have caught up with my childhood loves and have went out a few times. After spending my work week running around after my first graders, I use my weekends not only to rest but to appreciate the alone time I desperately need during the week. I have been to a party here and there, and met no one of interest. Is not that I am looking to meet guys, but I do think that maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea. In any case I am not meeting them. The other day I was talking to a friend about this, because he seems to think I should be on my Stella flow getting my groove back. (Yea deft not LOL.) After giving him a brief synopsis of what I am looking for, he came to the conclusion that I am too picky (he was the second person to say that) and I have a complex of superiority.

I kind of believe him. I wont lie, I do believe most of these guys are not on my level and are not worth my time. Those that could be good potentials have children, and or situations that I rather stay away from. I refuse to settle for something that I know I do not want. I know my self worth and the person that I choose to be with must be up to par. I refuse to believe that I won't find "My Future Husband" in this whole wide world. I know that the person that checks all the boxes of "my list" exists and is only a matter of time before we either find each other, or for us to realize we are meant for one another. My friend also seems to think I am too career oriented. I do not think this is a bad thing. I feel that if I want to be with someone, that person needs to know, I am about business, I am ambitious about my goals, and I am determined to succeed. Although I put these things first it doesn't mean I don't want to be loved. I would think my significant other would appreciate my drive and see how that can positively impact our relationship as a couple and our goals as individuals.

Nevertheless, spending all this alone time has made me more appreciative of the little things in life, in regards to the male specie, here is my top 5.

1. I miss having a significant other (SO) around. Never thought I would say that, but I do. And I am not exclusively talking about the knocking of the boots either (I will get to that). I am talking about knowing that there is someone who comes to visit and genuinely wants to be around me and enjoy my company.

2. I miss cooking for my SO. I love to cook, is one of my favorite things to do. The one thing I love more than cooking is watching my SO enjoy my meal. I know there are a lot of girls who dont cook for their SO, some because they want to move away from the traditional, others because they don't know how, and some because they simple do not feel like it. I would never comprehend, but I dont have to. I do it and thats all that matter (BlogPost Coming Soon).

3. I miss being held. This is a bit out of my character. I am not the cuddling type, but I do miss being held. Sometimes after a long day of dealing with these crazy parents, I just want to come home to the arms of my SO and feel safe, and comforted. I truly miss that feeling.

4. I miss going on dates. Believe it or not, I am a simple girl (lol). I enjoy being at home and relaxing. On some occasions, I like doing random stuff. Dates are the best way to explore new and old interests, selflessly with someone else. I am the queen of spontaneity and have always found that going on random dates or lil adventures always make for great memories.

5. Best for last! I miss that good loving. There is nothing like getting my back blown, having some good food and going to sleep. My idea of a perfect date! This has got to be the #1 thing I miss. Sex with the right person, is fun, exciting, selfless, liberating, and hard to find. Once you have it, going through life without is the biggest loss ever. More importantly, understand that although sex with anyone can be cool, having the person you want is what makes the difference.

In any case, I would like to think I am not the heartless-self-absorb-workaholic maniac, some people think I am (If I am put a sock in it, maybe you should try it). I have goals, dreams, and I plan on accomplishing as many of them as possible. I love life and am humbled by the lord's many blessings and in the end of it all I just wanna be loved. Tell me if you feel me? Have your ever felt this? If so, how did you deal with it!


Love Always,
Ms. Dulce De Leche

A Love Letter to the BlackMan.

Since I moved to Honduras and became a teacher, my time has been consumed by my new found responsibilities. I have traded the late nights with the girls, drinking and partying, for late nights at home grading and planning. In the mist of it all I have kept an eye on America via Twitter which keeps me in the loop of the good, the bad and the ugly of the good ole USA. A few weeks ago Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls hit the theaters. I have not read the book or watched the movie to provide a legitimate review, however from the feed back I've seen, it appears that the BlackMan is negatively portrayed, attacked, and stereotyped as the (no good ni**as) we all love to hate.

Many reviews attack Perry's work for contributing to the destruction of the image of the BlackMan. It is no secret that we live in a society, where the BlackMan is depicted as a sociological menace, lacking the ability to prosper and uplift himself and his people. At the same time, there seems to be this notion of dependency between blackmen and blackwomen. Which argues that it is not the blackman that holds the weight or foundation of the family, instead, given the lack of good blackmen, women have taken on this role. I wont address the level of truth of that statement however, I do believe that society has a moral obligation to uplift the blackman. Over 200 years of slavery, segregation, discrimination, and racial destruction hinders the prosperity of the blackman, and yet, he is strong enough to fight through such adversity and make it to another day.

So, to all my Blackmen, this note is for you........

You have risen from the ashes like a phoenix (#NoKanye).

You have built a nation and surpassed all expectations.

Under the bludgeoning of chance, your hard-work, determination and kind heart has persevered. Your beauty is unimaginable, and your love conquers all. You overcome at the face of adversity, and stand strong for your beliefs. Your smile, brightens the gloomiest kind of day. Your passion, is so amazing, leaving me speechless. Your love, loyalty, respect are all unconditional to those who are deserving. You are a son, a brother, a father, and a king. I love you, I appreciate you, and I thank you.

Love,

Yenory

I kissed a girl and I liked it: Bi-Girls and why you love them!

Bisexuality seems to be the new movement. Some people argue that now every girl wants to be gay. Personally I think most if not all girls have or would be curious at some point in their lives and would like to have some type of encounter with a lady friend! Some if not most, will actually like, if not love it and will refuse to go back to the old ways of doing things! On the other hand there are those girls whom have always known they want to enjoy the goodie box, and have made turning girls out an art form. Once again, I dont think this is possible because I am convinced most girls would or have kissed a girl and liked it!

Every time a guy finds a bi-girl he seems to not only be fascinated with her (even if he has known this girl for ever and never wanted to smash) but suddenly has alot of questions. I did some research and here are the three most popular questions and their answer.

Q1: Who is better, males or females?

Ans: You cannot compare males and females because they meet different needs. Is like comparing apples and oranges, it doesn't work. The beauty of being bi is that you dont have to pick. You can get them both!

Q2: Who is better at enjoying the goodie box?

Ans: The answer to this is quite simple and logical women by far exceed mens ability to indulge in such feast. They have the etiquette, delicacy and proper experience required to successfully accomplish enjoying the meal without getting crazy. Some men come close but women have this skill down packed. If you need help feel free to follow these tips.

Q3: Are you down for a threesome?

Ans: It is not safe to assume that every bi girl is down for a threesome. While some are bout it, bout it, others enjoy quality alone time with their lady friend. After all you dont always have to mix the peanut butter with the jelly. However some bi girls are down to get a lil adventurous and add a lil excitement. Bi-Girls DOES NOT EQUAL threesome!

So why do we love bi-girls.

First, they are good at eating the goodie box. For the ladies thats a automatic #WIN and for the guys you can learn a thing or two from them. Second, they tend to be more adventurous and open minded than the average, I mean they do enjoy the best of both worlds. Thirdly, if you play your cards right you might be in for a fun filled night of passion with a party of three. Lastly, most girls are bi-curious, bi-sexual or plain tired of the same shyt, so they willing try something new. Holla at your friendly local bi girl for tutorials and lessons. I am sure she will be willing to give you a helping hand.

I find it interesting that most of the guys I know will date a bi-girl but will not "wife" her. I am not quite sure why. I suppose knowing that her interest in women is one that will never go away and a need they can never meet is reason enough to not want to put a ring on it. At the same time there are a lot of curious women who do not identify with the label (s), they do not consider themselves to be bi or gay because they want to taste the cherry chap-stick. So chaces are fellas you have wifed a pum lover and didnt even know it! These women consider themselves to be adventurous and willing to experiment. Is almost like this downlow madness. But remember that if you eat the box or enjoy having a lady friend do it, news flash you are NOT straight. Although there is this notion that it is ok/acceptable to be bi or gay, the reality is that the topic remains a taboo amongst women. In any case, it doesn't matter if you straight, gay, bi, or just a lover of the sexual art form, have fun and be safe!

What do you think? Is bisexuality really a new phenomenon or just a phase? What are some of the questions for our friendly bi-lovers? Share your thoughts and get your questions answered!

Maybe you are just leading her on.

I have been meaning to write this blog for a while now, but time just hasnt been my friend. It is 4:45am in Honduras and I am up, so here it goes.

It is no secret that actions speak louder than words. Therefore, what you say does not really have much value when your doing the complete opposite. The other day I was speaking to one of my male friends about people and their expectations. He told me that he doesnt understand why girls get so attached. He said "I tell them what I want and what I can offer to them but they always end up trying to change things." I totally understood where he was coming from. If you tell someone what your expectations are and you set your ground rules then there shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. So, I asked him "what are you doing with these girls that leads them onto thinking you want something else?" and ofcourse he said "Nothing. I am just nice to them." At this point, I couldnt help but wonder what "nice" meant. After all, a lot of guys are nice to me and I am not falling head over heels for them.

Male Definition of "Nice": Talk to them on the regular (constant texts, or other forms of communication), constantly taking her out and picking up the check, long talks aka phone boning or boo loving, planning trips together etc.

When I first heard this explanation I immediately realized the problem. We clearly have a problem of miscommunication. Let me break it down for you. The relationship you have with someone is not defined with what you say, it is defined by what you do (unless you are his side piece, in that case is over for you. He is not leaving his wife, gf, main chick for you, give it up). Now, what I am going to say applied to both men and women because we are human beings and some things are beyond our control, but I will talk about the ladies, it is what I am, and what I know.

First, "Talking on the regular". If you talk to someone everyday, all day, inevitably the person will develop some type of expectation. Time is money, and if you investing your time in someone, they will eventually think that you are interested in them. This one is a lil harmless if is done in moderation, but when you do it excessively, I cant blame the girls for thinking you might want more (I am not defining what more is, it can be a relationship or sex, your pick).

Second, "Constantly taking her out and picking up the check". I understand if you are a gentleman and your momma taught you to always pay for the ladies, but to avoid misunderstandings you shouldn't be picking up the check every time you taking your friend out. At some point she should be picking up the check or getting separate bills. If you continue to pick up the check she has the right to think you may want something more. We all know, nothing in life is Free.

Third, "Long talks on the phone, or boo loving". Maybe you have alot to say, and enjoying having someone on the other end listening to your every word. Maybe you like to engage in friendly debates with the opposite gender. But if you are doing this between the hours of 11pm and 5am this is considered boo loving or phone boning (hey I didnt make the rules, I am just telling you about them). Again time is money and sleep is of the essence. If you are sacrificing your sleep to spend time with your lady friend, just to hear her vent about her day, she has the right to think you might want more.

Fourth, "Planning trips together". Unless you both decided to go away to a place where you can both WIN with different people, a girl has the right to think you want more. Specially if you are already getting the pum. Why the extra mile if you just want to be friends? Even if you say, you want nothing more than someone to keep your man downstairs company, why are you going out your way? This are the type of questions the ladies ask themselves, and they come to the conclusion that you want more.

Now ladies, just because you think he wants more it doesnt mean he wants the same thing you want. However, I can see the confusion and how you can both misunderstand and be misunderstood. Ladies also remember that you cannot change men. They wont do anything until they are ready, so even if he wants more, it has to happen on his time, not yours. Fellas I know you think shorty is clingy but maybe you are just leading her on. I am not telling you to be a jerk, but you might want to revise your definition of "nice" #amjustsaying.

Ladies do you agree or am I making this up? Fellas what do you have to say on your defense?

There is no place like home.

It has been a few months since I have updated my blog. There have been some major changes in my life and I would like to share them with you all. First, I moved to Honduras. Yes I did. Although I was only coming to visit, I quickly realized that I truly missed my family. Being around them reminded me of how happy they make and how much they complete my world. After careful consideration I decided to stay. By the grace of God I found 2 jobs which only reassured that I was meant to be here. I will be working for the American Embassy via Education USA teaching GED., SAT and GRE prep. I will also be working for the International Christian Academy as a first grade teacher. Although I didnt go to school for teaching, I have to say this is a very rewarding job. I absolutely love what I do and have grown to care for my students a lot.

Most people do not understand why I have decided to teach, when I have two bachelors in International Studies and Public Policy, well the answer is simple, because I can. If you know me, you understand. I love to try new things and explore unfound territories and after looking for a job in America since January 2010 and finding NONE till August, a change was much needed. I am young, and do not have any major attachments to the States, meaning husband and kids, so this came at the perfect time.

Next, while I was depressed due to unemployment, here I am being blessed with numerous job offers. The lack of competition and my well rounded education/experience really has helped me in the job market. However, it still boils down to who you know, and luckily for me, I am well connected. Trying to make the next move onto bigger and better things. I Have relocated to Tegucigalpa (the capital) so if you come to Honduras, be sure to hit me up.

Besides all the reasons listed above, I dont mind changing the cold winters for sunny days at the beach; living at home with mom for my own apartment, and the genetically engineered food for fresh non processed goods. People have been asking me if I am coming back or when I am coming to visit? To answer your question, Yes I will be moving back, when only God knows. I am not sure when I am coming to visit yet, but I will let those who need to know, when I am in town.

I hold the last 12years in America very close to my heart and have been missing my loved ones and friends that live there, but I look forward to you all visiting me. I put my destiny in God's hands and he put me here, only he knows what's next, me? I am just riding the wave.

Making the decision to start a new life, can be very scary, however I could not be happier. America can be a very stressful place, at least for me it was. Now, I am more calmed and stress free. Maybe is because I am around my family, or because I finally have a job, or maybe is the sunny days I get to enjoy every day, who knows but I am happy. After all, there is no place like home.

Love Always,

Nory

Hair Update!! First Year of freedom!

A little over a year ago, I decided to stop relaxing my hair and embraced the natural lifestyle! It has been a crazy journey, full of experiments! In my first year which is also my transiting time, I have really embraced the idea of trial and error. I dont always know what works for my hair, but every day we learn something new about each other.

I have kept my brand of products consistent, Olive Oil really conditions my hair and its organic base helps it grow healthy and strong. I took a break from weaving to enjoy the new found growth and the afro! It is so exciting looking at the progress! I still do my co-washes and since I have relocated to NYC I will be visiting my dominicans! However, since it is summer time and no one wants to sit under the dryer in this weather, I been doing my own hair.

I apply some leave in conditioner and braid it at night, I know you might think it is alot of work but it is not. It takes me 10-15 mins and it is worth it!

Here are some recent photos! Enjoy

Tell me all about your progress!

Is Marriage all that is left after college graduations for women?

A few weeks ago, a few of my friends and myself graduated from college. After many sleepless nights of studying, writing papers and procrastination, I walked the stage and made my mommy proud! Immediately after graduation I started looking for work, but apparently that wasn't all I needed to find.

Since most of my family is in Honduras, they all called me to congratulate me on this milestone and advice me on what the real world holds for me. Over 90% of the conversations I had with my aunts and uncles came down to one thing, "Now that you are done with school is time to find yourself a good husband and have some children."

My first thought was, who said I was done with school? Last time I checked, I still have academic goals I wish to accomplish.

However I laughed off these comments and brushed them off, but I quickly realized that this was the expectation. Worried, it was a problem that only affected the Honduran culture (since there is the stereotype that all latinas want to do is get prego and have babies) I called my best friend (Born American, to Ghanaian Parents) and told her about my new found task. To my surprise she was going through the same thing. I couldn't believe it, can we find a job first, get our house, or a car, some life insurance, a apartment?

It seems like the pressure to find a man is not only on women but also on parents. I feel like they are afraid that their daughters wont find a good husband and give them the grandchildren they are feening for. As a woman I am not sure how I feel about this. On one side there is this shortage of "good" black men and on the other hand there is so much pressure to find a man....clearly there is a problem.

I should clarify, that although I am not African American, I love me some chocolate! Since I am a black latina, I get away with dating them easily and dont get the "There Goes another Latina Taking our men" looks. My love and appreciation for black culture has help me become a chameleon as I avoid some of the interracial dating stereotypes that others endure.

I am only left to wonder why am I being rushed to find this alleged good husband, and have my children? Why can't I take my time until I am ready, and/or find someone who is worthy of starting my family with? Why is there so much pressure on women to become wives and mothers? Although women have come a long way, are we still living in the past?

I am interested in your thoughts on the subject. Do men feel pressured to become husbands and fathers? If so how do you deal with this issue?

The Female Orgasm, or the Lack Thereof

Historically unfortunately, women have been labeled as baby making machines, whose only purpose is to please the MAN. This past quarter, I took a Global Sexualities Class in which I learned about the sexual history of women, at least all that can be found in text (I am sure there is more, women are great at keeping secrets). I was frighten by the findings, and every night when I got home I thanked my "vag" for always holding me down! ( I firmly believe in always showing your appreciation!) In any case, as we wrapped up the discussion during the last week of classes, we addressed the role of The Female Orgasm, or the Lack Thereof.

It breaks my heart to hear that there are women in this world who have rarely or have NEVER, experienced an orgasm ( The sh*t really makes me sad). However, in the spirit of being proactive, and because it is our moral obligation to make things right, I have decided to tackle the issue.

First, I blame society! Yes I do! For conditioning women to believe that our only responsability is to please men and be mothers. Do you have any idea how painful it is to give birth? The vagina must expand at least 35 cm which is almost 14 inches, that is 7 times the average size of a normal vagina. Then you have contractions, and the pain of pushing that niglet out! Lets not forget the back problems, during the pregnancy and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the issue. How can you have the nerve to tell me, I cant get pleasure from sex? Just to make matters worst, society decides that the man must have all the fun, and that it is my job, to make sure he is satisfied. Excuse me? He wont cook, wont clean, wont watch the kids, wont even give me a nut, and I am supposed to make sure that after I finish my endless to-do-list I give him the business? I don't think so!

Secondly, I blame ourselves as women. Why are you still waiting on a man to show you what an orgasm is?!? It is 2010, chick get with the program! Explore your body! What are you afraid off? That maybe once you touch yourself, after a glass of wine and a long shower, you might just enjoy it? That in some twisted world you will achieve an unimaginable level of sexual pleasure by your self?? It angers me to hear women say, "I dont know how to do it" or "no one ever taught me" or my favorite of all time "He does not care". These are nothing but a list of EXCUSES!

1. "I dont know how to do it, and I am shy" : Learn! There are many options out there for women to learn about their sexuality! Hell, if you really that lazy, use the internet and google/youtube! We all know they have the answers to everything! If you are shy, GET OVER IT. How can you be shy with your body, but bend over backwards for someone else? That makes no sense.

2. "no one ever taught me": Teach your damn self! How can you expect someone to give you what you want, if you don't even know what you want! Again It doesn't make sense! (please refer to #1)

3. "He does not care": He DOESNT HAVE TO! You do! Your body, your needs, your nut, Get to it! (please re -read #1 and #2).

Note: I would like to state, that I am not against please a man! I believe sex should be selfless, and satisfaction should come from satisfying your counterpart. This is not about you (MEN), this is about the ladies!

Here are some tips (these are things, I have read, some experienced and some I have been told):

1. Masturbate! You would be surprised to see how this simple act will improve your sexual life. Sh*t it improves life in general, productivity hits its peak after a nut followed by a good meal! You can start slow, using your hands, then upgrade to some toys, just explore your sexual personality.

2. Be the Instructor! We all wish, every guy we sleep with knew exactly what to do, and when to do it! But the reality is that they don't! So teach them, after you have mastered the art of giving your self an orgasm it is a lot easier to teach someone else.

3. Stop Being Lazy and Close minded. When you open your mind to change, the possibilities are endless. I am not telling you to go and let someone pee on you (if thats your thing, hey more power to you, call R. Kelly), but don't let tradition dictate your level of satisfaction.

4. Practice! The more you do it, the better you get at it! Simple!

That is all for now folks! Lets all unite to end this madness! If you have any advice or stories please feel free to share!

Hasta La Vista - Baby!

"Lurkers, Stalkers, Creepers, you name it..... Twitter is their playground"

In the summer of 2009 I stopped fighting the "status update" battle and joined the wonderful world of Twitter. Of course I was one of those people who said "Twitter is stupid", "I don't get it, so you just put your business out there?", "That sounds like the perfect place for stalkers".

Despite my strong reservations, I gave in and joined (honestly it was peer pressure, all the cool kids where doing it, lol) Since I joined Twitter I have met some really cool folks, great tool for networking and relationship building. However there is another thing Twitter is great for, and thats STALKING.

Yes folks, in case you did not know, people actually use this social network to stalk each other! I know you are all shocked ( Not Really, I saw it coming) but it is happening everyday. Hence why I am writing this blog. I always hear the horror stories, from Facebook, Aim Statuses (Yea, people still use aim), MySpace (I know, shame on me but I had to add it to the list), and now Twitter! Nothing is sacred anymore!

Stalkers are using all their tools and getting to work! They follow you, and patiently wait until you say something that can be used against you. Don't they know is ONLY Twitter! Relax!

The Stalking game is out of control! Here are some of the type of stalking/lurking categories I have found:

1. The Ex Stalking: This is my fav! You are playing yourself, if you using twitter to find out what your ex is doing! You are going to get your feelings hurt! You are not with him/her, He/She is not into you! Please Move on! That is all!
2. Relationship Stalking: Seriously, if you don't trust the person you are involved with keep it moving and stop wasting your time! Do you really have to create a twitter account to monitor who they talk to? Furthermore, do you have to follow the people they talk to the most and comment? Like C'mon Son! If your significant other wants to be with you, he/she will give you the respect you deserve no matter what!
3. "I want to be with him/her" Stalking: This is a red flag! If you are getting to know someone twitter is not the place to get your information. Why dont you use this time to chill with the person and get to know they really are. Besides, the best way to get to know someone is through time not twitter!

Please share more categories, the horror stories, or funny stories, they all the same!

Hair Update

I know it has been a while but I finally got some time to give you all some updates on my hair growth. If you took time to do the challenge I hope it worked for you, and met all your goals. I have been working on my hair treatment to make sure is healthy and long. The road has been slow but I have seen a lot of progress.

I have posted some pictures of the growth! Please tell me what you think!

Before

After

This marks the end my hair growth challenge, the journey lasted for about 6months. I encourage you all to take care of your hair! Once you learn your hair type and proper texture you will be able to achieve your goals faster!