How can we learn how to speak Martian?

I been gone for a minute but now am back with the jump off... Happy New Years and all that my friends, took a break to enjoy life but in the words of Diddy lets turn the piano up!

What is the deal with women and advice?

Since birth women have been sold bullshyt fairy-tale stories about men, and love. Stories such as Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Rapunzel and our recent the Princess and the Frog perpetuate this false and delusional idea of love when it comes to men. Instead of preparing us for the harsh reality that comes along with love in terms of men, we find ourselves facing a rude awakening as we wait for our alleged “prince charming”. We are never told that 99.9% of the time men really are only interested in our bodies, and then as a result they eventually notice your personality. Or that they will feed you a bunch of lies to get what they want from you, and once they have it they will kick you to the curve. Or that they will invest time, money, and resources on you and when you bring up the “R” word they will make up a billion excuses to justify why they are not ready to take that step; when in reality they just don’t want to take that step with YOU but since you are around he will string you along until he finds something better to move on to and simply waste your time. Or that you will get your heartbroken and at that point you better off moving the fck along because if you stick around he would do it again. Or that he will lead you on, and play house with you and you wont be allowed to complain because he told you “I am not looking for a R” even though he has done everything a boyfriend does. No my friends thes fairy-tales do not tell you any of this REALISTIC and NECESSARY information.

So what do women do?

In light of our lack of preparation, we turn to our lovely female friends for advice. Why?

First, they know you. If they are your friends, they have been around you long enough from the first time you got a guys number/aim/fb/twitter/bbm to the night you needed a shoulder to cry on while you played your “breakup playlist” and bashed all men kind.

Second, they know what you are going through. Someone once said “Don’t give your heart to someone unless their own heart has been broken.” This makes perfect sense, people can’t appreciate something if they do not know its worth. Your female friends, has been through it and just like you, she has needed a night of comfort and naturally can truly understand and feel your pain.

Third, they know somebody who was in a situation just like yours and now lives happily ever after. Lets face it “He is not that into you” had a great representation of this phenomenon. Friends, real friends hate to see their loved ones suffer and will try to cheer you up in any way possible. Once we see that the “Fck that ninja” approach doesn’t work, we move to the “I know someone who was talking to this guy......now they been happily married for x years” approach, as evidence to help your girl through this tough time. Maybe that is her prince charming or maybe he just another statistic and she should just keep it moving, but since you don’t know that, all you can do is show her the options.

Quickly, we realize that maybe our female friends do not have the best advice, mainly because they don’t have a penis. After all if women are from Venus and men are from Mars, you need to speak to martians to understand their language. So we turn to our male friends for advice.

I have learned that unless their gay, 99.9% of the time, most men have the same views when it comes to things . So it is very safe to say that their advice tends to be very accurate when it comes to other men. When they give you the advice, you still have the option of doing what you want, and in most cases.....what you want to do is listen to your female friend for the reasons mentioned above. In here lies the problem. So just stop doing that right now, it will save you a lot of tears, and a lot of time.

I am not trying to male bash here but, yall do have to admit yall send some weird signals that lead to a huge gap between what you say and what you do. The one thing most women do the most, is over analyze shyt, even if they know their conclusion will be WRONG 100% of the time. This usually happens when we do not understand why "you" do things, which is 100% of the time. So we turn to our handy dandy female friends to try to figure shyt out after all two minds think better than one right? Wrong. We should be turning to that ninja and ask him to explain the shyt to us, and if he can’t do that, ladies pack your bags and leave because chances are he knows exactly what he wants and you are not the candidate he wants to put in that position.

Please share your thoughts! Ladies, whose advice do you take and why? As women how we prepare ourselves for men and love? Fellas, what advice do you have?

To cook or not to cook? That is the question.

I have said this over and over again, I am the most non-traditional girl with the most traditional girl tendencies. I love my independence but understand the reality behind gender roles (it is what it is, lets get over it). With that being said I have one question, why don’t more females cook? It seems to be that as we embrace the triumphs women have made through out history we have forgotten some of our fundamental responsibilities like cooking. As a Latina (yes I am Spanish), there seems to be this stereotype that we are raised to take care of the men of our families and become wives and mothers (this is true for most of us). If many cases we become mothers before we ever become wives, and chances are the wives part rarely happens. However, Latina women are also known for spoiling their husbands and children when it comes to food. Personally I have cannot even remember when I started cooking. Always found a reason to be in the kitchen helping my aunts (except when it came to washing dishes, I hate washing dishes). In any case I learned to enjoy and love cooking and naturally became really good at it (those that have tasted my cooking always ask for more, I have my references).

When I began dating, I quickly realized I wasn’t into Spanish guys. I don’t know why, or what it was about them, but I just wasn’t feeling them like that. In no time I realized that indeed I was a ni**a lover. As I dated these African American men they constantly complemented me on my cooking abilities and asked me why more girls didn't cook? Ofcouse this was new to me, after all in my household girls cooking was the norm so I couldn't understand why there were females out there that simply did not do it. A particular individual sat me down and told me that, most foreign girls cook, but most African American girls did not want to come nowhere near the kitchen. Again, another big surprise, because the majority of my African American friends knew how to cook, and although it was not their idea of a relaxing time, they did not refuse to do it.

So I started asking my female friends and acquaintances what was their deal with the cocina? I refused to believe it was a racial issue so I asked women without caring for their racial background. I found two main reasons.

2 Main Theories why women do not cook.

1. Independence Theory: Some women feel that they are too independent to have to cook. Women have come so far in society, and being bound to the kitchen is retroactive do the progress at hand.

I have a major issue with this theory because I feel that independence is often used as a scapegoat to justify not taking care of home. So you can’t cook because you are independent but you want Tyrone to hold the doors for you and pick up they check. Then we wonder why there is a lack of chivalry...I have no problem with independence, as a matter a fact I embrace it. I am all about having my own and holding my own weight, but I do not think traditional tasks like cooking take away from my independence. Understand that we are women, as result we will at some point become wives and mothers to a family. As future matriarchs we are expected to be take care of our homes and handle business, cooking is definitely one of them, after all what is your independent a** eating anyways?

2. I Don't know how to cook Theory: Some women simple were never learned how to move around in the kitchen. As a result they are using this excuse to justify why they are ordering take-out on a daily basis or crashing their homegirls house because she always got that good food.

I can't believe women are still using this as an excuse to not cook. I can name at-least 100 things that you LEARNED how to do. Why isn't cooking one of them? I always wondered what are these women eating? So when you finally have your kids what are you going to do? Are you going to be in McDonalds having breakfast, lunch and dinner contributing to the high obesity rate? With all the technology and cooking shows on tv it is unacceptable to say you do not know how to do anything. Next time after your fav sitcom is over, I suggest you tune in to the cooking channel. #YouAreWelcome

Cooking for a man shouldn’t be an special act that only occurs on birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions. You would be surprised, how cooking amongst other things will help you get what you want (#amjustsaying). I am not saying that you should be cooking for everyone all willinillie but if you do there is nothing wrong for that. However, if you meet someone and that person is worthy of your pumpum, which means they can potentially father your children (just think about it) why aren’t they worthy of your cooking? If this person takes care of you, and is there for you, why are you being selfish and not taking care of your business in the kitchen #youfancyhuh? I encourage to bring him into the kitchen, and have him “help” even if it just to taste it. Ladies cut this out, and for those of you saying, “He better know how to cook then,” how can you ask for something you cannot provide?

Am I alone on this one? Fellas is cooking important to you? Ladies, what are your thoughts? Is cooking correlated with racial background? Share a line and leave your comments.

How to lose 20 pounds and Keep them OFF.

One of the best feelings is realizing you have lost weight and look absolutely fabulous. I remember the day I realized I lost 10+ pounds. I had just gotten out the shower and was getting ready to head out, I looked at my body on the mirror and realized I looked thinner. Then I pulled out my fave pair of skinny jeans (Yall know which one am talking about, the one that you have been saving for when you lost those extra pounds, because you simply could not let go. Yes, that one) and to my surprise it fit a lil big. I did not know what to do with myself, I kept of admiring my body thinking to myself, "Girl, you look great!." After 20 minutes of much needed self love, I decided to get dressed and actually head out. A few days later I got on the scale to see how much weight I lost (I was thinking about 15pounds) and was thrilled to learn I had lost 22pounds.

So, how did I lose those unwanted 22pounds? For starters, I didnt even know I needed to lose 22 pounds or in the words of my bff, that I had 22 pounds to lose. My cousin convinced to start competing in the body fitness category of body building and gave me a few tasks. First, she told to cut some things out my diet. It doesn't matter how much you workout, the faster way to see results is by having a balanced diet.

Here are some of my new do's and don'ts.

• Fruits (I usually have one for breakfast every morning, and as a snack I love green apples and mandarines).
• If you have a specific type of food you simply cannot stop eating, find healthier ways to cook it. (for example, I love sweet plantains, now instead of frying them, I boil them. Is not the same but I am satisfied.)
• Try healthier meals. If you like to eat fish, or seafood try grilling, and steaming. Both methods are healthier and in some cases faster.
• Try not to eat out often. Sometimes when we eat out, we venture into foods we should stay away from, the best thing to do is treat yourself once in a while.
• No rice, no fried foods, no sodas, and little to no juice. (I really keep these things to a minimum, they have a lot of calories and should be eaten in moderation. I do drink juice but water is my first choice.)
• It is important that you eat three times a day and have your snacks in between. Keep your metabolism busy with smaller portions.
• Alcohol (I am a social drinker and some days I feel like I need a drink to unwind. However, I limit myself to a glass of wine or two a week. I stay away from mixed drinks and hard liquor.)
• Run. I did not start running until my last year in college. Once I got to Honduras I found out I was doing it wrong (who would have thought there was a proper way to run? yea me either). I started running on the tracks by my house, and at first I could only handle running one lap and walking the next. Now, I can run 12 laps non-stop on the 8th lane which is roughly about 4 miles. I really try to do this a minimum of 3 times a week, some weeks are better than others but this has been a major part of my weight loss.
• I also have a workout routine, that doesn't require a gym. All I use are a set of 10 pounds weights, some stairs and a chair (let me know if you want me to share it with you.)

These are some of the key elements of my weight loss. The best way to keep the way off is to maintain your routine. Once you change your diet, your body will demand that you eat healthier, and maintain the changes. Do not stop working out, and dieting. Loosing weight and keeping it off, requires that you change your lifestyle. If I can do it, you can do it. Please post comments and suggestions!

Do you F@%$ at the first tweet: Is Twitter the New form of Foreplay?

I am a very digital girl, text, bbm, twitter, fb, aim, you name it. I love to keep my friends a click away and my phone attached to the hip. Specially now that I moved to Honduras I like to stay in touch and feel like I never left. Today I was chatting up a storm with one of my followers @IAMKILLFACE and he stated ¨The followbback is the modern day version of the "you do me and I'll do you" conversation.¨ Prior to this tweet I was unaware of such notion but after reading it I realized that there might be some truth to it.

It seems like the art of phone calls is slowly going extinct and now getting a text, bbm, or @mention is the best you can get. As an active Twitter user I have been a victim of the ¨let me holla at you¨ via twitter. These conversations don't usually start that way, often it all begins with the follow button. I am never quite sure how this all goes down, how do we make the critical decision to press the follow button and enter someone´s world, read their every thought, and follow their every move. Personally I decide to follow someone if they continuously pop up in my timeline, if I see their bio and is interesting, or if I check out the avi and is a #pantydroppa. I get alot of requests, and usually I check out their tweets, and avi to make a decision.

Once I press the follow button is over, LOL. I like to interact with my followers and at some point they have something sexual to say (this is mainly due to the nature of my tweets, so I am not surprised). Most of them have expressed their interest in #smaging me (smashing and banging) but ofcouse this doesn't go outside of twitter. If I find my followers interesting enough, or resourceful I give them my pin and we move things to bbm. I can't help but wonder, do my male followers think pressing the follow back button is an invitation to my pumpum? If so, what are the implications of the @mentions? or the dms? Back in the day it used to be I dont kiss on the first date, is today becoming I dont have sex at the first tweet?

What are you thoughts, is twitter our generation's form of foreplay?

Hair Update!

When I started this blog almost a year and half ago I was going through a transitional period with my hair moving from permed tonatural! I have some progress I would like to share with youall to inspire you to take care of your hair! I started out my Hair Growth Challenge in June 2009. The main purpose of the challenge was to successfully grow my hair back healthy and strong. The summer of 2009 I focused on treating it and establishing my brand of products. When I got back to school in the fall I began weaving it. As a college student I didn't have the time to go to the salon and/or the patience to do it myself. Weaves provided an easy solution to this problem and really helped its growth.

In June 2010 I celebrated my First Year of Freedom. I was very pleased with the progress. In one year I was able to get my length back, as well as volume, health and lots of body. I have to say that it has been a bit challenging because, it does take a lot of work. I usually have to take twice as long to do my hair, and I have to constantly find new things to do with it. I have learned so much from it and am very happy I decided to take this step. Sometimes, I get frustrated when I try something and I end up looking crazy, it is indeed a learning experience. I have learned what works and what I should stay away from. Luckily for me, I am not alone in this natural hair journey and there is a lot of help available to lead me in the right direction.

Since I moved to Honduras, I have tried braiding and weaving. Not only do I lack the time to do my hair, but it is also hard to maintain it in this weather. I go running at-least three times a week and by the time I am done working out, I need to do it all over again. However, I have taken some time to simply enjoy my hair. Sometimes I do not want to go through the 3 hours of getting it done, but I do it because the end result is rewarding.

Here are some pictures of my baby, it is looking so good! I am definitely proud and happy! I encourage you all to take care of your hair and if you have any tips please post them! I would love to know how you take care of your natural hair and what are some of the issues you come across.

Love always!

Ms. Dulce de Leche

I just wanna be loved.

Since I started my new life in Honduras, I have done a great job at staying busy and not getting too *America"Home"Sick*. However, some days like this, I desperately miss my friends and maybe something else. I am blessed to have a job, be with my family and go through this wonderful experience. Yet, sometimes I wished I had some of the people I love and really enjoy with me. I have caught up with my childhood loves and have went out a few times. After spending my work week running around after my first graders, I use my weekends not only to rest but to appreciate the alone time I desperately need during the week. I have been to a party here and there, and met no one of interest. Is not that I am looking to meet guys, but I do think that maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea. In any case I am not meeting them. The other day I was talking to a friend about this, because he seems to think I should be on my Stella flow getting my groove back. (Yea deft not LOL.) After giving him a brief synopsis of what I am looking for, he came to the conclusion that I am too picky (he was the second person to say that) and I have a complex of superiority.

I kind of believe him. I wont lie, I do believe most of these guys are not on my level and are not worth my time. Those that could be good potentials have children, and or situations that I rather stay away from. I refuse to settle for something that I know I do not want. I know my self worth and the person that I choose to be with must be up to par. I refuse to believe that I won't find "My Future Husband" in this whole wide world. I know that the person that checks all the boxes of "my list" exists and is only a matter of time before we either find each other, or for us to realize we are meant for one another. My friend also seems to think I am too career oriented. I do not think this is a bad thing. I feel that if I want to be with someone, that person needs to know, I am about business, I am ambitious about my goals, and I am determined to succeed. Although I put these things first it doesn't mean I don't want to be loved. I would think my significant other would appreciate my drive and see how that can positively impact our relationship as a couple and our goals as individuals.

Nevertheless, spending all this alone time has made me more appreciative of the little things in life, in regards to the male specie, here is my top 5.

1. I miss having a significant other (SO) around. Never thought I would say that, but I do. And I am not exclusively talking about the knocking of the boots either (I will get to that). I am talking about knowing that there is someone who comes to visit and genuinely wants to be around me and enjoy my company.

2. I miss cooking for my SO. I love to cook, is one of my favorite things to do. The one thing I love more than cooking is watching my SO enjoy my meal. I know there are a lot of girls who dont cook for their SO, some because they want to move away from the traditional, others because they don't know how, and some because they simple do not feel like it. I would never comprehend, but I dont have to. I do it and thats all that matter (BlogPost Coming Soon).

3. I miss being held. This is a bit out of my character. I am not the cuddling type, but I do miss being held. Sometimes after a long day of dealing with these crazy parents, I just want to come home to the arms of my SO and feel safe, and comforted. I truly miss that feeling.

4. I miss going on dates. Believe it or not, I am a simple girl (lol). I enjoy being at home and relaxing. On some occasions, I like doing random stuff. Dates are the best way to explore new and old interests, selflessly with someone else. I am the queen of spontaneity and have always found that going on random dates or lil adventures always make for great memories.

5. Best for last! I miss that good loving. There is nothing like getting my back blown, having some good food and going to sleep. My idea of a perfect date! This has got to be the #1 thing I miss. Sex with the right person, is fun, exciting, selfless, liberating, and hard to find. Once you have it, going through life without is the biggest loss ever. More importantly, understand that although sex with anyone can be cool, having the person you want is what makes the difference.

In any case, I would like to think I am not the heartless-self-absorb-workaholic maniac, some people think I am (If I am put a sock in it, maybe you should try it). I have goals, dreams, and I plan on accomplishing as many of them as possible. I love life and am humbled by the lord's many blessings and in the end of it all I just wanna be loved. Tell me if you feel me? Have your ever felt this? If so, how did you deal with it!


Love Always,
Ms. Dulce De Leche

A Love Letter to the BlackMan.

Since I moved to Honduras and became a teacher, my time has been consumed by my new found responsibilities. I have traded the late nights with the girls, drinking and partying, for late nights at home grading and planning. In the mist of it all I have kept an eye on America via Twitter which keeps me in the loop of the good, the bad and the ugly of the good ole USA. A few weeks ago Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls hit the theaters. I have not read the book or watched the movie to provide a legitimate review, however from the feed back I've seen, it appears that the BlackMan is negatively portrayed, attacked, and stereotyped as the (no good ni**as) we all love to hate.

Many reviews attack Perry's work for contributing to the destruction of the image of the BlackMan. It is no secret that we live in a society, where the BlackMan is depicted as a sociological menace, lacking the ability to prosper and uplift himself and his people. At the same time, there seems to be this notion of dependency between blackmen and blackwomen. Which argues that it is not the blackman that holds the weight or foundation of the family, instead, given the lack of good blackmen, women have taken on this role. I wont address the level of truth of that statement however, I do believe that society has a moral obligation to uplift the blackman. Over 200 years of slavery, segregation, discrimination, and racial destruction hinders the prosperity of the blackman, and yet, he is strong enough to fight through such adversity and make it to another day.

So, to all my Blackmen, this note is for you........

You have risen from the ashes like a phoenix (#NoKanye).

You have built a nation and surpassed all expectations.

Under the bludgeoning of chance, your hard-work, determination and kind heart has persevered. Your beauty is unimaginable, and your love conquers all. You overcome at the face of adversity, and stand strong for your beliefs. Your smile, brightens the gloomiest kind of day. Your passion, is so amazing, leaving me speechless. Your love, loyalty, respect are all unconditional to those who are deserving. You are a son, a brother, a father, and a king. I love you, I appreciate you, and I thank you.

Love,

Yenory