Maybe you are just leading her on.

I have been meaning to write this blog for a while now, but time just hasnt been my friend. It is 4:45am in Honduras and I am up, so here it goes.

It is no secret that actions speak louder than words. Therefore, what you say does not really have much value when your doing the complete opposite. The other day I was speaking to one of my male friends about people and their expectations. He told me that he doesnt understand why girls get so attached. He said "I tell them what I want and what I can offer to them but they always end up trying to change things." I totally understood where he was coming from. If you tell someone what your expectations are and you set your ground rules then there shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. So, I asked him "what are you doing with these girls that leads them onto thinking you want something else?" and ofcourse he said "Nothing. I am just nice to them." At this point, I couldnt help but wonder what "nice" meant. After all, a lot of guys are nice to me and I am not falling head over heels for them.

Male Definition of "Nice": Talk to them on the regular (constant texts, or other forms of communication), constantly taking her out and picking up the check, long talks aka phone boning or boo loving, planning trips together etc.

When I first heard this explanation I immediately realized the problem. We clearly have a problem of miscommunication. Let me break it down for you. The relationship you have with someone is not defined with what you say, it is defined by what you do (unless you are his side piece, in that case is over for you. He is not leaving his wife, gf, main chick for you, give it up). Now, what I am going to say applied to both men and women because we are human beings and some things are beyond our control, but I will talk about the ladies, it is what I am, and what I know.

First, "Talking on the regular". If you talk to someone everyday, all day, inevitably the person will develop some type of expectation. Time is money, and if you investing your time in someone, they will eventually think that you are interested in them. This one is a lil harmless if is done in moderation, but when you do it excessively, I cant blame the girls for thinking you might want more (I am not defining what more is, it can be a relationship or sex, your pick).

Second, "Constantly taking her out and picking up the check". I understand if you are a gentleman and your momma taught you to always pay for the ladies, but to avoid misunderstandings you shouldn't be picking up the check every time you taking your friend out. At some point she should be picking up the check or getting separate bills. If you continue to pick up the check she has the right to think you may want something more. We all know, nothing in life is Free.

Third, "Long talks on the phone, or boo loving". Maybe you have alot to say, and enjoying having someone on the other end listening to your every word. Maybe you like to engage in friendly debates with the opposite gender. But if you are doing this between the hours of 11pm and 5am this is considered boo loving or phone boning (hey I didnt make the rules, I am just telling you about them). Again time is money and sleep is of the essence. If you are sacrificing your sleep to spend time with your lady friend, just to hear her vent about her day, she has the right to think you might want more.

Fourth, "Planning trips together". Unless you both decided to go away to a place where you can both WIN with different people, a girl has the right to think you want more. Specially if you are already getting the pum. Why the extra mile if you just want to be friends? Even if you say, you want nothing more than someone to keep your man downstairs company, why are you going out your way? This are the type of questions the ladies ask themselves, and they come to the conclusion that you want more.

Now ladies, just because you think he wants more it doesnt mean he wants the same thing you want. However, I can see the confusion and how you can both misunderstand and be misunderstood. Ladies also remember that you cannot change men. They wont do anything until they are ready, so even if he wants more, it has to happen on his time, not yours. Fellas I know you think shorty is clingy but maybe you are just leading her on. I am not telling you to be a jerk, but you might want to revise your definition of "nice" #amjustsaying.

Ladies do you agree or am I making this up? Fellas what do you have to say on your defense?

There is no place like home.

It has been a few months since I have updated my blog. There have been some major changes in my life and I would like to share them with you all. First, I moved to Honduras. Yes I did. Although I was only coming to visit, I quickly realized that I truly missed my family. Being around them reminded me of how happy they make and how much they complete my world. After careful consideration I decided to stay. By the grace of God I found 2 jobs which only reassured that I was meant to be here. I will be working for the American Embassy via Education USA teaching GED., SAT and GRE prep. I will also be working for the International Christian Academy as a first grade teacher. Although I didnt go to school for teaching, I have to say this is a very rewarding job. I absolutely love what I do and have grown to care for my students a lot.

Most people do not understand why I have decided to teach, when I have two bachelors in International Studies and Public Policy, well the answer is simple, because I can. If you know me, you understand. I love to try new things and explore unfound territories and after looking for a job in America since January 2010 and finding NONE till August, a change was much needed. I am young, and do not have any major attachments to the States, meaning husband and kids, so this came at the perfect time.

Next, while I was depressed due to unemployment, here I am being blessed with numerous job offers. The lack of competition and my well rounded education/experience really has helped me in the job market. However, it still boils down to who you know, and luckily for me, I am well connected. Trying to make the next move onto bigger and better things. I Have relocated to Tegucigalpa (the capital) so if you come to Honduras, be sure to hit me up.

Besides all the reasons listed above, I dont mind changing the cold winters for sunny days at the beach; living at home with mom for my own apartment, and the genetically engineered food for fresh non processed goods. People have been asking me if I am coming back or when I am coming to visit? To answer your question, Yes I will be moving back, when only God knows. I am not sure when I am coming to visit yet, but I will let those who need to know, when I am in town.

I hold the last 12years in America very close to my heart and have been missing my loved ones and friends that live there, but I look forward to you all visiting me. I put my destiny in God's hands and he put me here, only he knows what's next, me? I am just riding the wave.

Making the decision to start a new life, can be very scary, however I could not be happier. America can be a very stressful place, at least for me it was. Now, I am more calmed and stress free. Maybe is because I am around my family, or because I finally have a job, or maybe is the sunny days I get to enjoy every day, who knows but I am happy. After all, there is no place like home.

Love Always,

Nory

Hair Update!! First Year of freedom!

A little over a year ago, I decided to stop relaxing my hair and embraced the natural lifestyle! It has been a crazy journey, full of experiments! In my first year which is also my transiting time, I have really embraced the idea of trial and error. I dont always know what works for my hair, but every day we learn something new about each other.

I have kept my brand of products consistent, Olive Oil really conditions my hair and its organic base helps it grow healthy and strong. I took a break from weaving to enjoy the new found growth and the afro! It is so exciting looking at the progress! I still do my co-washes and since I have relocated to NYC I will be visiting my dominicans! However, since it is summer time and no one wants to sit under the dryer in this weather, I been doing my own hair.

I apply some leave in conditioner and braid it at night, I know you might think it is alot of work but it is not. It takes me 10-15 mins and it is worth it!

Here are some recent photos! Enjoy

Tell me all about your progress!

Is Marriage all that is left after college graduations for women?

A few weeks ago, a few of my friends and myself graduated from college. After many sleepless nights of studying, writing papers and procrastination, I walked the stage and made my mommy proud! Immediately after graduation I started looking for work, but apparently that wasn't all I needed to find.

Since most of my family is in Honduras, they all called me to congratulate me on this milestone and advice me on what the real world holds for me. Over 90% of the conversations I had with my aunts and uncles came down to one thing, "Now that you are done with school is time to find yourself a good husband and have some children."

My first thought was, who said I was done with school? Last time I checked, I still have academic goals I wish to accomplish.

However I laughed off these comments and brushed them off, but I quickly realized that this was the expectation. Worried, it was a problem that only affected the Honduran culture (since there is the stereotype that all latinas want to do is get prego and have babies) I called my best friend (Born American, to Ghanaian Parents) and told her about my new found task. To my surprise she was going through the same thing. I couldn't believe it, can we find a job first, get our house, or a car, some life insurance, a apartment?

It seems like the pressure to find a man is not only on women but also on parents. I feel like they are afraid that their daughters wont find a good husband and give them the grandchildren they are feening for. As a woman I am not sure how I feel about this. On one side there is this shortage of "good" black men and on the other hand there is so much pressure to find a man....clearly there is a problem.

I should clarify, that although I am not African American, I love me some chocolate! Since I am a black latina, I get away with dating them easily and dont get the "There Goes another Latina Taking our men" looks. My love and appreciation for black culture has help me become a chameleon as I avoid some of the interracial dating stereotypes that others endure.

I am only left to wonder why am I being rushed to find this alleged good husband, and have my children? Why can't I take my time until I am ready, and/or find someone who is worthy of starting my family with? Why is there so much pressure on women to become wives and mothers? Although women have come a long way, are we still living in the past?

I am interested in your thoughts on the subject. Do men feel pressured to become husbands and fathers? If so how do you deal with this issue?

The Female Orgasm, or the Lack Thereof

Historically unfortunately, women have been labeled as baby making machines, whose only purpose is to please the MAN. This past quarter, I took a Global Sexualities Class in which I learned about the sexual history of women, at least all that can be found in text (I am sure there is more, women are great at keeping secrets). I was frighten by the findings, and every night when I got home I thanked my "vag" for always holding me down! ( I firmly believe in always showing your appreciation!) In any case, as we wrapped up the discussion during the last week of classes, we addressed the role of The Female Orgasm, or the Lack Thereof.

It breaks my heart to hear that there are women in this world who have rarely or have NEVER, experienced an orgasm ( The sh*t really makes me sad). However, in the spirit of being proactive, and because it is our moral obligation to make things right, I have decided to tackle the issue.

First, I blame society! Yes I do! For conditioning women to believe that our only responsability is to please men and be mothers. Do you have any idea how painful it is to give birth? The vagina must expand at least 35 cm which is almost 14 inches, that is 7 times the average size of a normal vagina. Then you have contractions, and the pain of pushing that niglet out! Lets not forget the back problems, during the pregnancy and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the issue. How can you have the nerve to tell me, I cant get pleasure from sex? Just to make matters worst, society decides that the man must have all the fun, and that it is my job, to make sure he is satisfied. Excuse me? He wont cook, wont clean, wont watch the kids, wont even give me a nut, and I am supposed to make sure that after I finish my endless to-do-list I give him the business? I don't think so!

Secondly, I blame ourselves as women. Why are you still waiting on a man to show you what an orgasm is?!? It is 2010, chick get with the program! Explore your body! What are you afraid off? That maybe once you touch yourself, after a glass of wine and a long shower, you might just enjoy it? That in some twisted world you will achieve an unimaginable level of sexual pleasure by your self?? It angers me to hear women say, "I dont know how to do it" or "no one ever taught me" or my favorite of all time "He does not care". These are nothing but a list of EXCUSES!

1. "I dont know how to do it, and I am shy" : Learn! There are many options out there for women to learn about their sexuality! Hell, if you really that lazy, use the internet and google/youtube! We all know they have the answers to everything! If you are shy, GET OVER IT. How can you be shy with your body, but bend over backwards for someone else? That makes no sense.

2. "no one ever taught me": Teach your damn self! How can you expect someone to give you what you want, if you don't even know what you want! Again It doesn't make sense! (please refer to #1)

3. "He does not care": He DOESNT HAVE TO! You do! Your body, your needs, your nut, Get to it! (please re -read #1 and #2).

Note: I would like to state, that I am not against please a man! I believe sex should be selfless, and satisfaction should come from satisfying your counterpart. This is not about you (MEN), this is about the ladies!

Here are some tips (these are things, I have read, some experienced and some I have been told):

1. Masturbate! You would be surprised to see how this simple act will improve your sexual life. Sh*t it improves life in general, productivity hits its peak after a nut followed by a good meal! You can start slow, using your hands, then upgrade to some toys, just explore your sexual personality.

2. Be the Instructor! We all wish, every guy we sleep with knew exactly what to do, and when to do it! But the reality is that they don't! So teach them, after you have mastered the art of giving your self an orgasm it is a lot easier to teach someone else.

3. Stop Being Lazy and Close minded. When you open your mind to change, the possibilities are endless. I am not telling you to go and let someone pee on you (if thats your thing, hey more power to you, call R. Kelly), but don't let tradition dictate your level of satisfaction.

4. Practice! The more you do it, the better you get at it! Simple!

That is all for now folks! Lets all unite to end this madness! If you have any advice or stories please feel free to share!

Hasta La Vista - Baby!

"Lurkers, Stalkers, Creepers, you name it..... Twitter is their playground"

In the summer of 2009 I stopped fighting the "status update" battle and joined the wonderful world of Twitter. Of course I was one of those people who said "Twitter is stupid", "I don't get it, so you just put your business out there?", "That sounds like the perfect place for stalkers".

Despite my strong reservations, I gave in and joined (honestly it was peer pressure, all the cool kids where doing it, lol) Since I joined Twitter I have met some really cool folks, great tool for networking and relationship building. However there is another thing Twitter is great for, and thats STALKING.

Yes folks, in case you did not know, people actually use this social network to stalk each other! I know you are all shocked ( Not Really, I saw it coming) but it is happening everyday. Hence why I am writing this blog. I always hear the horror stories, from Facebook, Aim Statuses (Yea, people still use aim), MySpace (I know, shame on me but I had to add it to the list), and now Twitter! Nothing is sacred anymore!

Stalkers are using all their tools and getting to work! They follow you, and patiently wait until you say something that can be used against you. Don't they know is ONLY Twitter! Relax!

The Stalking game is out of control! Here are some of the type of stalking/lurking categories I have found:

1. The Ex Stalking: This is my fav! You are playing yourself, if you using twitter to find out what your ex is doing! You are going to get your feelings hurt! You are not with him/her, He/She is not into you! Please Move on! That is all!
2. Relationship Stalking: Seriously, if you don't trust the person you are involved with keep it moving and stop wasting your time! Do you really have to create a twitter account to monitor who they talk to? Furthermore, do you have to follow the people they talk to the most and comment? Like C'mon Son! If your significant other wants to be with you, he/she will give you the respect you deserve no matter what!
3. "I want to be with him/her" Stalking: This is a red flag! If you are getting to know someone twitter is not the place to get your information. Why dont you use this time to chill with the person and get to know they really are. Besides, the best way to get to know someone is through time not twitter!

Please share more categories, the horror stories, or funny stories, they all the same!

Hair Update

I know it has been a while but I finally got some time to give you all some updates on my hair growth. If you took time to do the challenge I hope it worked for you, and met all your goals. I have been working on my hair treatment to make sure is healthy and long. The road has been slow but I have seen a lot of progress.

I have posted some pictures of the growth! Please tell me what you think!

Before

After

This marks the end my hair growth challenge, the journey lasted for about 6months. I encourage you all to take care of your hair! Once you learn your hair type and proper texture you will be able to achieve your goals faster!